It's Peyton Manning! He's Really Here!

By Sonny Prier

Tonight is the night! After over 18 months of a Peyton free NFL, he's strapping on the pads and playing (fake) football! As a fan of the sport it's appealing. As a fan of the Denver Broncos it's exhilarating! There's no containing my excitement, anticipation, or lack of pants right now, at 7:07pm central time on August 9th 2012.

This is the point when football finally feels imminent. When it feels real. When it feels like the season is here and now, rather than in some cold and distant future. It's the first time YOUR team takes the field and plays a game, exhibition or not, before a nationally televised audience.

Except that they're not televised.

It looks like that $300 NFL Sunday Ticket price tag wasn't enough to buy exhibition games. Maybe next year DirecTV will offer the privilege of chipping in an extra $20 for pre-season coverage.

Just let me see the first quarter... just... just the first five minutes!
Take this, NFL. It's all I have left. Please! Take it! TAKE IT!

Fine. Whatever. Lay it on me, Game Center.

7:29 pm
Do they sing the national anthem before preseason games? It might not be worth a professional's time to sing to twelve people. Maybe someone will come out and do the first verse.

7:32 pm
I hope Denver won the coin toss. Cutler's upcoming chain of pick sixes won't get Manning on the field any faster.

7:35 pm
Still "waiting for the first play". Maybe Urlacher had to go clothesline a streaker.

7:41 pm
Just called my ISP to complain about NFL Game Center's drive chart not showing any plays. Received  $10 off next month's bill.

7:43 pm
Lines! We have colored lines on the fake field! Denver's ball on the 38. Here comes history! Manning's first play in a Denver uniform is the equivalent of Armstrong's first words after the moon landing.

You can't get this kind of experience at the stadium.

7:44 pm
Incomplete! We just lost the moon.

7:46 pm
Manning's first two passes go to Tamme. The first one was probably dropped. The 2nd one is caught for a 1st down.

7:47 pm
Peyton throws another orange line to a grey arrow! That line was on a rope!

This one's gonna make SportsCenter!

7:50 pm
Ryan Clady gets a 10 yard yellow bar, but Manning throws another orange bar to Decker for a first down! He was probably strong in the pocket and right on target and handsome!

7:53 pm
Interception in the red zone? What the hell!? I didn't sign up for this shit!
TEBOW!
TEBOW!
TEBOW!

That's the only thing that came out legibly. Awesome.

7:54 pm
Having problems understanding what just happened. Currently suspect cheating or poor officiating.

7:58 pm
Oh christ... Jason Campbell is starting for Chicago? But he has a chin! Denver is unprepared for this!

7:58 pm
Elvis Dumervil: 2 penalties for 20 yards on 4 snaps.

8:00 pm
Bush fumbles! Denver's back inside the 20. Get your orange lines ready!

8:01 pm
"C. Hanie from the shotgun"? How did Soldier Field not collapse when he walked through the gates?

8:23 pm
This is boring.

Does Size Really Matter....for QB's in the NFL? Pt.2

By:  Bobby Shores

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My New Favorite Football Book

With NFL training camps about to open up (or just opening up, depending on when this gets finished and posted) I decided to write a series (or article depending on time and content) about current trends that we are seeing in the NFL, and I am going to try and go beyond the obvious like "it's becoming a passing league",  "workhorse backs are a thing of the past, it's a committee approach now", etc. The first one is about the size of quarterbacks and whether or not height really matter, the first part of this article has already been posted here and is about what the shorter quarterbacks bring from a physical standpoint. Now we are going to look at how schemes, offenses, coaches have made shorter quarterbacks better.

We all know that the NFL has been transforming over the 20 years to a passing league from a running league, with it really becoming pass heavy the last few years. Part of this is the fans desire to see more scoring and the league helping offense's out with rule changes and also the culture of football has changed from the Pop Warner leagues all the way up the ladder to the NFL with more wide-open passing games.

As the spread of spread offense's (does that make sense) reached the NFL level, it opened the door for shorter quarterbacks to excel by, well spreading out the field making it easier for the guys with less stature to see the entire field. They also run a lot of zone-read plays which require the quarterbacks to sometimes carry the ball (mostly at levels below the NFL), and this opens up opportunities for smaller and quicker QB's that can make things happen with their feet.

As offense's spread out their players with multiple receivers, tight ends and backs across the length of the field, it means that there are less blockers in tight to form a nice clean pocket, this leads to more roll outs and throws on the run, which again lends itself to more agile QB's that can move easily inside and outside the pocket. These schemes value accuracy on the move more than a 6'4 monster who can stand in the pocket and deliver a shot down the field. Those tall guys are also more likely to stand there and take a hit, thereby increasing the chances for injury.


While you do not see a lot of zone-read offense's in the NFL (yet), having a smaller and more mobile quarterback gives offensive coordinator's more wrinkles they can add into their playbook. They may decide to run the occasional zone-read option play because like the "Wildcat" a few years ago, it makes opposing defenses HAVE to study for the possibility or be caught off guard and get burned. Every minute spent by an opposing defense studying the "non-conventional" packages the offense may throw at them that week, is a minute that they are not working on stopping the base plays.


Another benefit that was touched on in the first article is the extra advantages that a moving quarterback provides. If he stays in the pocket there are not a lot of places for him to go as the defensive players collapse the pocket, but when you move him and there is nobody open down field it's much easier for him to pick up that last 3-5 yards for a first down while also avoiding a hit by stepping out of bounds. Now you have a dual-threat quarterback who avoids getting hammered in the pocket, even though in the Dictator Roger Goodell era of the NFL, defensive players can only hit a quarter sized spot without getting flagged and fined.


So while a few years ago a 6'2 quarterback would've been given next to no shot of making it, and one under 6'2 wouldn't have been given a chance at all, in today's NFL, undersized quarterbacks are slowly taking control. Don't believe me? Just take a look at the quarterbacks drafted this year, nearly 50% were under 6'3. Robert Griffin III is barely 6'2 and he was drafted second overall to be the franchise, and a 5'10 quarterback in Russell Wilson is seemingly being given a legit shot to start as a rookie (and I think he will win it)! Welcome to the evolution of the NFL, where no sacred cow is safe.


If you want to know about the evolution of NFL offenses and defenses up to this point, you must read Tim Layden's book "Blood, Sweat And Chalk", it's become my new favorite book and the information it contains is invaluable.

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What Do The Cowboys Free Agent Signings Bring? Pt 2

By:  Bobby Shores

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The Cowboys had a strange free agent period, instead of going after the "big name" players (even though Brandon Carr is a fairly big name), they instead filled a lot of holes with guys that can contribute in multiple ways and provide some MUCH needed depth which is needed to make it through the long NFL season! I've been holding this (and other) articles to not only "refresh"people's memory on the off-season transactions, but also as a way to get ready for the season! Enjoy reading Part 2 as much as I enjoyed writing it!!

Brandon Carr - CB - The Cowboys signed him to the biggest contract for any free agent defensive back, a 5-year $50.1 million deal and we all know that his primary responsibility will be to lock down the opposition's #1 receiver. Carr is just what Rob Ryan needs as a #1 corner, he plays a physical press-man style coverage that will hamper receivers trying to get off the line and screw up the offense's timing allowing rushers to get to the quarterback

Cowboys CB Brandon Carr

But Carr brings something else to the team, his physical style of play (press man) carries over into practice where he is regularly jamming guys like Dez Bryant and Miles Austin at the line. Both of these guys have struggled in the past getting off the line when people are in their face, now they have to learn how to use their hands properly and get a good release. I really believe that his practice value is just as good as his defense will be in real games, he is forcing our receivers to get better! While a lot of people don't think that he was worth $50.1 million, and he might not be when it comes to on-field production, but $10 million per year was the going rate for the top corners on the market this year, and being a big physical corner that will interrupt the rhythm that is so important to quarterbacks and receivers (especially in west coast style offenses which both Eagles and Redskins run) I believe  he is more than worth it.

If Carr is so valuable, then why did the Chiefs let him go? Well you can only devote so much money to the defensive side of the ball, especially one group like the secondary. Remember that they have huge contract obligations to safety Eric Berry, they also resigned Brandon Flowers at corner who was drafted the same year as Carr. I believe Carr is better but remember as a second round pick, they sometimes get priority over a later round pick, it's just the economics of the NFL. The Chiefs also don't play as physical defense as the Cowboys do, making Carr expendable. 

The other benefit that Carr brings is his durability, as a 5th round pick out of Grand Valley State he has been in the NFL for 64 games (4 years) and has NEVER missed a start. If you have watched the Cowboys much lately then you know how banged up our secondary has been. I honestly can't remember the last time we had our secondary at or near 100% for a game. Carr's durability will help with the continuity, especially as the #1 cornerback.

Dan Connor - ILB - My thoughts on this signing were nothing but positive, and it even spawned a separate article that will be posted in the next few days. The first thing Connor brings to the team is depth at the important inside linebacker position where I think him Sean Lee, and Bruce Carter will all get a lot of snaps.We aren't sure yet what we have in Carter, but I believe that at the worst he is Kevin Burnett, a linebacker that can cover any tight end or running back in the league. His speed is probably his best atrribute while one of the knocks I have on him is that he seems to be a robotic type player and less instinctual than the other guys. This is not necessarily a bad thing as he gets himself into position and will not do a lot of freelancing, meaning he will not have huge "impact" plays but should also not make many "impact" mistakes.

Cowboys Backup QB Kyle Orton

Before signing him the Cowboys had the motor of the defense Lee and 2nd year player Carter, both players that have struggled with injuries during their football careers with Carter only being healthy for about half of his rookie year due to a knee injury suffered in college and Lee having both a knee injury, thigh bruise and broken hand among others. Connor and Lee both excelled playing together at Penn State, and I think they will have great chemistry again.

Connor is a smart instinctive player that can diagnose plays quickly, much like Lee, and while I hear a lot of people claiming that he is a liability against the pass and that we will see the back of his jersey chasing linebackers, I don't see it in my film study, and I think he is more than capable. He is a strong tackler and has good sideline-to-sideline range.

Kyle Orton - QB - This was the most surprising signing of the off season for me, Orton is good enough to
be a starter in this league, but I think he got tired of ALWAYS being the veteran guy and teams ALWAYS trying to replace him (much like Doug Flutie). He comes to Dallas as the clear cut backup, and with Tony Romo's injury history the last few years, there is a good chance he will get a chance to play. I honestly believe that having Orton on the roster gives the Cowboys the best quarterback depth chart in the NFL.

No matter how much Cowboys fans want Orton to be "the guy", it's not going to happen, the only facet of Orton's game that is better than Romo's is his awesome beard. Orton will never (and better never) threaten Romo's grip on the starting job, but what he can do is push Romo to be better. At no time in Romo's 6(?) years starting has he had anybody to push him (sorry A&M fans, Stephen McGee is better suited to be a "yell leader" than a starting NFL QB). And from what I know of Romo, particularly off the field when he is playing pickup basketball and golf, he loves to be pushed and challenged, and I think Orton will do that.

Signing Orton fills two needs, he gives the Cowboys arguably the best backup quarterback in the NFL, and he should bring out the best in Tony Romo. Orton may be the best Denver Broncos quarterback ever, but he  is barely even the best backup in the storied history of the Dallas Cowboys.

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What Do The Cowboys Free Agent Signings Bring? Pt 1

By:  Bobby Shores

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The Cowboys had a strange free agent period, instead of going after the "big name" players (even though Brandon Carr is a fairly big name), they instead filled a lot of holes with guys that can contribute in multiple ways and provide some MUCH needed depth which is needed to make it through the long NFL season! I've been holding this (and other) articles to not only "refresh" people's memory on the off-season transactions, but also as a way to get ready for the season! Enjoy!!

Lawrence Vickers - FB - This was my favorite pickup of the Cowboys, besides being the one of the best fullback's in the NFL, and the Cowboys running an offense that requires a  "true" fullback, he fits the mold perfectly. Vickers also prides himself on knowing what all the positions are supposed to do on any given play, this allows him to anticipate what a lineman is going to do before he does it, meaning that Vickers will be able to react and/or adjust quicker when the play starts.

Cowboys FB Lawrence Vickers

Besides just being a solid blocker, Vickers brings a passion to the game of football that I haven't seen since Ray Lewis. Listening to him talk in interviews, you can tell that this is one of the few guys that would probably play this game for free (which is a good thing as fullbacks don't get paid compared to most positions). That passion should rub off on guys like Bryant, Tony Romo, and some of our young offensive linemen. I believe that Vickers may be that vocal/emotional leader that everybody says the Cowboys need, he has everything that you need:  will play a lot, one of the best at his position in the NFL, respected, plays and practices hard, and is passionate!

Nate Livings & Mackenzie Bernadeau - G - Neither one of these signings are "flashy", but as the Cowboys have remade their entire interior line the last few years trying to get younger these guys are value signings. They got rid of Leonard Davis, Kyle Kosier and Montrae Holland, all stalwarts at the guard position, instead trying to get younger by drafting David Arkin and Bill Nagy to play guard and signing Phil Costa and Kevin Kowalski to battle for Center. This approach did not work very well last year and it was obvious that they needed to get bigger and more experienced.

While it looks like Livings is penciled in at left guard and Bernadeau (I hate typing that name!) is penciled in at right guard, I believe that the Cowboys will give their younger players every opportunity to win the starting jobs, which is where these 2 signings really help. They provide depth and some much needed veteran influence for the entire line, and their smart and hard working personality should rub off. It even looked like Bernadeau was going to get a chance to play some center before having hip surgery, which speaks to what these guys were really brought in for, ability to play all interior positions.

Brodney Pool - S - Safety has been the worst position for the Cowboys since Darren Woodson retired back in 2004 the safety position has been more like the "danger" position. Their has been a revolving door back there as the Cowboys have tried every combination and done everything but draft a safety before the 4th round (I think, may want to check on that one).

Last year the biggest problem that the secondary had was bad communication, nobody ever knew where they were supposed to be and Abe Elam was supposed to have been the guy that would get everybody lined up as he was familiar with Ryan's defense, playing for both Ryan brothers in past years. In my view Pool is a solid but not spectacular or "impact" player and plays smart. A lot of people seem to think that he will not even make the final 53, but I believe that his knowledge of the complex Rob Ryan defense and his ability against the pass (doesn't get lots of turnovers, but breaks up a lot of passes) makes him a must have for the Cowboys this year.

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Football Methadone

Written by J.R. Shepperd

     NFL, the reason we are all here.  The addiction we all possess.  It is an addiction that rivals heroin. (or so I'm told)

     You have the preseason. A time when you would go to parties with your friends.  Doing the drug recreationally. Insisting "Its not an addiction, I can quit anytime I want!"

     Then comes the regular season. Kiss the wife and kids good bye, because every Sunday you are in a trance, unresponsive to any form of stimulation other than your precious NFL.  Your wife and kids plead for you to get help, but you are still very insistent that you could stop at any time, you just don't want to.

"My friends can handle their high!!"

   Next comes the playoffs, you are being slowly weened off your addiction, (not by choice), your supplier, skinny Goodell, has run low on the supply.  You scour the furthest reaches of the Internet, maybe you can find (shudder) a C.F.L. game, just to fill that emptiness.
     Imagine that roller coaster ride, and how it comes to a screeching halt in a mere 60 seconds... Those 60 seconds after the Super Bowl clock hits 00:00 and the confetti has stopped falling.  It is then you realize "I have to wait until April before I can see my precious again?!?!". Much like a family intervention in which they handcuff you, toss you in a trunk and drop you off at a rehab, waiving as they speed away....

   

"I got r' dun!!"

     So what is a guy to do?? Fret not my pasty friend! Do what the nerds do, resort to technology!  Everyone has a smart phone, tablet, or some form of computer (or how the hell are you reading this?).  Why not let me act as your Sherpa through all the P.O.S., boring apps that flood the App Store.  And not just apps, I plan to scour the darkest reaches of the Internet, looking for ways to keep us from becoming NASCAR fans...  truly a fate worse than death. 
   
     I start my app adventure by doing something that 90% of NFL fans have wanted to do themselves.... Punch Tim Tebow straight in that beautiful face of his! ....yes, I am secure enough in my masculinity to say that.  :)

I am Tebowing as we speak.

     The premise of the app is simple, there is a picture of Tebow and you punch it... over, and over, and over, and over again.  The more I played this, the more I wanted to "Elvis" my iPhone!! What a steaming pile this is!!  The only thing that breaks up the painful repetitiveness of this app is the stupid slogans that pop in after a while. 

   
  "Tebow used a jump-pass against his eight year-old nephew. He has no mercy for the weak."
     
     No mercy huh?  I can agree, mercy would be making this app mildly entertaining.  But it's not.  Don't waste the 2 megabits of bandwidth it takes to download this.  I've downloaded some poor apps in my time ( Geico Brostache ) but this one takes the cake. And what boggles my mind is there are a bunch of positive reviews of this app!!
     "Punch Tebow, my new favorite app!!!!!"
    
     You've wondered what happened to that kid who would sniff paint thinner back in high school.  Looks like I found him, and he's reviewing apps. I'm not even going to link this P.O.S., I would hate for the download count to go up by one accidentally. On a scale of one to five Kurt's, I give this one Kurt, because I can't give any lower than that!

You make Tebow smile!

The only possible way you may find this app useful, is if you are a Jets fan and use it like a digital Voodoo Doll.
















These aren't the droids your looking for... But this is the fantasy football advice you need!



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Value of Agents For Top 10 Picks

By:  Bobby Shores

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[Editor's Note:  This was an article written before the news broke today on the RGIII signing, I checked it and it should still be relevant]

With the news breaking this morning from Adam Schefter that the Redskins have signed their next eight first round picks (or however many they gave up in the trade to land him), Quarterback Robert Griffin III, we should see the remaining Top 10 unsigned picks fall like dominoes (just waiting on the Jim Irsay tweet that says "We are close to signing #12", and this time it won't be a lie).

We have been fed the line that "rookie contracts are already negotiated", "every rookie should sign the day he is drafted because it's all slotted and there is no negotiations", "the era of rookie holdouts is forever gone" etc. ever since the new CBA was signed last year. And after the 2011 rookie class was signed so quickly I think we all began to believe it.....I am predicting future rookie training camp holdouts right here people, you heard it here first (at least I hope I am the first, even if I'm not, don't tell me).

To give you a little bit of background on the situation, last year all the rookie contracts (particularly high first rounders) were signed so quickly because the ink was still drying on the CBA, agents didn't have a ton of time to really delve into the details and find out what was available for negotiations, and with no offseason work and shortened training camps everybody was anxious to try and catch up before a year was completely lost on their already short NFL lifespans. This year the sticking point has been "offset language", which is essentially a "guarantee". For instance, if Morris Claiborne is a bust for the Cowboys and they cut him before his fourth season in the NFL, and the Cowboys owe him $5 million. Then he signs a contract with the Redskins for $2 million; the teams want the Cowboys to only owe him the $3 million difference while the agents want him to make $7 million....get it? Good! If not then tweet me and I'll explain it another way.

It seems like a minor thing to be haggling, and potentially holding out over, so what is the real reason behind these protracted rookie contract negotiations? Well my theory is that agents are trying to make themselves appear valuable to rookies, with these deals slotted the way they are there is no real need for an agent anyways. In fact, I honestly don't think rookies should hire "contract" agents until AFTER they have signed their rookie deals. Seriously, what's the point??? I mean some people will say this "offset" language deal is big, but realistically how many teams admit failure on a top 10 pick in the first four years? Exactly!

Since the money is slotted and there is no real negotiations on that part, there is no reason to give an agent 3%+/- of your deal to not do anything. I guess one of the advantages of having a "contract" agent for your rookie deal is the ability to use the "Training Compounds" that prepare you for your interviews and the combine. Those do seem to provide real value to the player as it helps them train for a bunch of tests that have little or no impact on how they actually perform during a football game. 

For real, when does a football player run 40 yards, in sprinter style, in a straight line during a football game? Or when do they bench press 225lbs (or even use that same form) during the same 60 minute span? How often do they have a chance to stand there, gather themselves physically and mentally and jump up and/or out as high/far as they can? Get back on focus Bobby....

The agents can also help the players create a very carefully crafted public image/persona that they sell to the teams drafting them and the fans (i.e. Tebow on Broadway & the Gator Quotes) that has little or nothing to do with the "real person" under the helmet. The agents also act as "recruiters" by talking up their clients to potentially interested teams, going over the value that drafting "Player X" will bring to their organization. Does all this really help? Do teams really listen to agents over their own scouts, or in addition to them? I guess there must be some success or the agents wouldn't waste their time doing it.....right?

So with these agents reaching and stretching to give themselves value to their current rookie clients, while also giving themselves ammunition to recruit future rookie's, what will be the next point of contention that they can find to delay high first round pick rookie signings? Rest assured, agents WILL find something, it's just the nature of the business. Unfortunately since I don't have a copy of the CBA, or any experience in contract law, or negotiations; I really don't know what the next step is, but hopefully I can get some insight from some agents that can steer me in the right direction.

So the question ultimately becomes, are the services provided by the "contract" agent, services that cannot be provided by the player's marketing agents? And if they are, are they worth the 3% +/- that they charge for it, roughly $500,000-600,000 on the Top 10 picks rookie deals? Obviously the players think so, what about y'all? Would you hire a contract agent to negotiate an already negotiated rookie deal? Let us know in the comments!

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What Will Happen To Dez Bryant? From the Top Down

By:  Bobby Shores
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With the news  breaking today that Dez Bryant had been arrested for "domestic violence", my first thought was, "Now we will find out if the Cowboys have any leaders in the locker room". First let me say that I think "leadership" is WAY overblown in today's NFL, it seems to all boil down to every good team has "great leadership", while every average-to-bad team "lacks leadership", and the Cowboys are under the microscope more than most. Does anybody else remember how Eli Manning was not a leader, didn't demand accountability, etc. until the playoff run last year when it all switched to how he demands perfection and respect in the huddle, born leader like his brother, etc.

Unconfirmed Pic of NorthPark Mall Security that busted Dez

I wanna start this off with saying that I do not think Bryant is a bad guy, yes there have been a few incidents he has been involved in that made news, but were ultimately very minor in nature. I mean seriously, who cares if the guy is like 40% of America and can't manage his money, or if he is like 45% of American youth and wears his pants to low and talks back to the "rent-a-pigs" at NorthPark mall, or like 90% of America and wants to beat the hell out of Lil' Wayne. Of course this latest incident has the potential to be more serious, I do not want to make you think I am taking a "domestic violence" accusation seriously, I am.

This article is not going to be judging Bryant on what happened, with the lack of details and different stories floating around out there, let's get the truth before we tear Dez apart. Yes, Bryant is a very passionate guy, especially on the field, but nothing I have ever seen or read made me think he was either violent or even capable of violence. I have respect for any guy that can sit there calmly while another man calls his mom a prostitute, no matter what the situation is. While we are waiting on the facts of the case to make their way into our hands, let's begin the speculation on what could happen to him on the football side.

Let's start at the top of the food chain and work our way down. Commissioner Roger Goodell may decide that Bryant has put himself in enough bad situations that it's time to act and discipline him, and he doesn't even need charges to be pressed, an arrest or conviction to use the god-like powers given him as judge, jury and executioner. Since this is his first "real" issue with legal involvement, I do not expect much more than maybe a meeting or phone call from Rog letting Bryant know that he is on his radar.

Moving on down, the next level of discipline can be imposed by Jerry Jones and/or Jason Garrett, we know that Jones is kind of a softy and will probably not due anything more than a good stern talking to, but rest assured this will be brought up again when it comes time to negotiate a new contract. This incident, more than any other, can and will be used by Jones and his son to not only sign Bryant for less than he would have gotten without it, but he will also be able to write in language that protects the Cowboys, their money and their cap space if he screws up again. Above all else, Jones is a businessman and will pounce on any weakness to get what he wants.

Garrett on the other hand has spent his time as head coach building a team full of "good" guys, respected players with no baggage, great work ethics that are disciplined. The fact that he approved bringing in Bryant shows the amount of talent that he has. If this had happened during the season I could see Garrett ripping a page from his coach, Jimmy Johnson, and sitting Bryant for a series; much like Johnson did to Irvin years ago. Since this will likely be forgotten by most of us the day players report to training camp, I believe Garrett should use this as a way to not only punish Bryant, but also fix his biggest deficiency....conditioning. We all know that Bryant was in such bad shape last year that he literally disappeared during the second half of nearly every game, even when he was blowing it up during the first half. So punish him by making him run, and run, and run, and run, and run every single day after practices; it will help Bryant and the team!

What intrigues me more than anything else though, is how the guys in the locker room will react to this. There has been lots of negativity surrounding the Cowboys locker room because it lacks true leaders. The guys that you would expect to be the leaders, Jason Witten and DeMarcus Ware, tend to be "lead by example", and nobody is apparently a real "rah rah" vocal leader type, similar to Ray Lewis and Drew Brees. If the Cowboys have one, this is the time he needs to step up, get on Bryant and hold him accountable as his actions affect the entire team.

Who is this player? Is there one? Maybe it will be a group of veteran players that form a "leadership committee", much like the one that Tom Coughlin created with the Giants back in 2005. Regardless of who it is, somebody needs to take control before this gets out of hand. I still don't think that all of Dez's incidents COMBINED are as bad as the DUI issue that the NFL has......(sorry I will get off my soapbox).

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Monday Night Football 2020

By Sonny Prier

George Carlin rode a phone booth into my bedroom last night. The doors opened and he burst forth with a sense of urgency and authority. I told him that this was two-thirds of my dreams come true. He scowled and shook his head. I dejectedly slunk out of bed and put on some pants.

Next time, my pet.

"Sonny, the future of the NFL is a shambles. The sport will soon enter an age of darkness from which it will never recover. Its decline must be stopped now before the momentum grows too great. I entrust this to you."

Future George Carlin passes me a future iPod. I immediately decide to sell it on eBay and retire early.

"Don't sell this on eBay."

Shit.

George steps back into the booth. As the doors close he shouts back,
"Only your blog can save the future, Sonny. Please! Protect us from ourselves!"

With an audible pop, he's gone.

Guess I can eBay it after listening...

"Play Future George Carlin's warning", I command. Future iPod Siri complies. Out come the sounds of an NFL broadcast. It's already underway. For the sake of humanity I grab my laptop and begin to transcribe...


Mike Tirico: ...rom the shotgun. Empty backfield. Puts it up for Burrell who almost makes a spectacular catch. That one sailed on Stafford, and it went just off Burrell's fingertips. But let's check the flags.

Cyborg Ed Hochuli: There are two fouls against the defense. Illegal motion, shifting before the snap, number 52. That penalty is declined. Pass inconvenience, number 37. This penalty is accepted. The ball will be placed at the spot of the foul. First down.

Mike Tirico: Shields is still arguing the call. He might have a point. There sure wasn't a lot there, Jon.

Jon Gruden: Not at all, but Cyborg Ed Hochuli has confirmed that there are fingerprints on Burrell's jersey. If there were ever two things that don't lie, they're physical evidence and cyborgs.

Dennis Miller: Nebuchadnezzar res ipsa loquitur!

Jon Gruden: Thank you, Dennis.

Mike Tirico: Stafford lines up in the shotgun at the 20. Empty backfield. Takes his time... and fires a bullet past Johnson. Not a good throw at all. It'll be 2nd and 10 depending on the flags.

Jon Gruden: Lawrence Guy came across early.

Cyborg Ed Hochuli: Delayed Offside, number 91, defense. 5 yard penalty. A foul shot will be assessed as the pass attempt was a scoring chance.

Jon Gruden: Just a silly mistake by Guy. He didn't even get to "two Mississippi" before rushing, let alone three. The officials will see that every time. There's no excuse for it, especially on this end of the field.

Mike Tirico: Dimke comes onto the field for the penalty kick. He's uncharacteristically missed his last two... but easily puts this one through, and the Lions take a 74 - 60 lead. Let's check the flags.

Jon Gruden: I don't think there are any.

Mike Tirico: ... oh... well... uh...

<20 seconds of dead air>

Dennis Miller: Actus reus hypoplastic!

Jon Gruden: Thank you, Dennis.

Mike Tirico: Stafford and the Lions offense retake the field for a 1st and 5 on the Green Bay 15. Shotgun formation. Empty backfield. Stafford lobs one down the left sideline and it's picked off again! Stafford telegraphed another one, and Otis Merrill read it perfectly. Schwartz immediately throws out the blue flag. Not a difficult decision by the Lions coach here.

Cyborg Ed Hochuli: Los Angeles has elected to use their 3rd mulligan. We will replay 1st down.

Jon Gruden: No surprise that one was picked off, Mike. Merrill leads the conference in overturned turnovers, and he's now personally burned through all of L.A.'s mulligans. It's time for Stafford to stop testing Merrill. He's already passed.

Mike Tirico: And Stafford's passes have failed.

Jon Gruden: <forced laughter>

Mike Tirico: We'll see how he responds here from the shotgun, as the Lions line up from the 15 again. Empty backfield. Stafford takes the snap and buries a laser in Johnson's chest! Touchdown Los Angeles, as Stafford finally puts one on target! Boy that sure had some heat on it.

Jon Gruden: I tell you, Mike, tha...

Cyborg Ed Hochuli: Illegal jumping, number 90, defense. That penalty is declined.

Jon Gruden: ... that's w...

Cyborg Ed Hochuli: Illegal formation, defense. Double coverage in the endzone. That penalty is declined.

Jon Gruden: ... what we've b...

Cyborg Ed Hochuli: Failure to Tebow, number 81, offense. That 10 yard penalty will be assessed on the ensuing drive.

Jon Gruden: ... been lookin...

Dennis Miller: INTERRUPTUS MAXIMUS!

Jon Gruden: ...

Mike Tirico: Thank you, Dennis. Meanwhile, the Packers, now down 81-60, take over at their own 40. Here's Rodgers from the shotgun with an empty backfield. He rolls out to his left and heaves a rainbow to no one in particular. The jump ball is swatted harmlessly away by number 32 of the defense. Let's check the flags.

Cyborg Ed Hochuli: Swatting, defense, number 32. The ball will be placed at the spot of the foul. First down Green Bay.

Mike Tirico: A reminder for those of you watching from home tonight... attendance here is officially under 30,000 so the 4th quarter will be blacked out. We will stay with you live from the booth, however, as this week the NFL has graciously allowed us to broadcast audio and re-enact the plays with sock puppets. Here's Aaron Rodgers from the shotgun at the Los Angeles 6 yard line. Empty backfield...

Top 5 Broncos Quarterbacks

By: Sonny Prier

If Peyton Manning is good for anything, it's reminding the insolent masses that Denver isn't all Tebows and Quinns. The Mile High City has always served as a beacon to quality quarterback play. To the lowland crevasses of Jacksonville and Tampa flow the ass sweat of broken dreams. To heights of 5,280 feet rise the cream of perennial pro bowl performances. But who's the best of the best? It would be reckless for a mere mortal to pass judgment on gods, which is why I'm currently tapped into my neighbor's Wi-Fi. 

Wrath invoked. Sorry, Brad. Maybe you'll set a password next time, hm?

Let's begin.

5. Craig Morton (1977 - 1982)

After wasting many aimless years piddling around Dallas and New York, Craig Morton finally blossomed during his Denver twilight. His best statistical showings came during these last few seasons. Had Morton spent his entire career in orange and blue, you would have heard of him before just now. But for all the regrets of what could have been, he still compiled an outstanding body of work. In particular, Morton's two Super Bowl appearances place him in the top  99.99999th percentile not just among NFL players, but American males as a whole. (source)

4. Brian Griese (1998 - 2002)

In 2002, Brian Griese was involved in the most violent collision since Atwater vs Okoye when he smashed face first into a slab of concrete. That sounds like part of a larger tale, but alas, it's not. To quote CBC Sports, "Griese was running down the driveway of (Terrell) Davis' home when he stumbled and knocked himself unconscious." 

As a side note, alcohol was not involved in this incident as Brian was on probation for a DUI. Wink.

The point is that Griese did not miss a game despite the broken tooth, dozen stitches and probable concussion. His toughness and team first attitude remain his legacy. To this day young QBs, like Colt McCoy, look to iron man Brian Griese for inspiration in the face of physical hardship.

3. John Elway (1983 - Present)

Like Dan Marino, John Elway carried a mediocre team for fifteen years. Unlike Dan Marino, he capped off his hall of fame career with back to back Super Bowl victories. He's a true NFL legend, and arguably the best QB in league history. Even cantankerous former Chiefs columnist Jason Whitlock ranks Elway at number one.  More than a decade removed from retirement, he still enjoys a panty dropping level of influence in the Denver area... how many active GMs have fans campaigning to erect statues of them at their home stadium?

Unfortunately for Mr. Elway, we at Recliner QB aren't the pushovers that mainstream sports media, hall of fame voters and decades of historical context are. We have standards. And those teeth? Not cutting it, pal. 

Seriously. Dude looks like the love child of Donald Trump and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

2. Peyton Manning (1998 - 2017)

Four MVPs. Eleven Pro Bowls. 1 dreamy smile. Most quarterbacks would be so lucky to have single season as awesome as Peyton's worst. When Elway retired after the 1998 season, he handed the torch of greatness to rookie Peyton Manning... the Denver Broncos' next world beater.

Facial features aside, some may question why Elway isn't #2 on this list. Unfortunately, Peyton had some other advantages thanks to circumstances beyond either man's control. The "NO TOUCHING!" 2000s have been much more QB friendly than John's 80s and 90s, and Manning had a better set of receivers to work with. The separation between those two may be razor thin, but as we all already knew, there's no doubt about #1.

1. Kyle Orton (4 BC - 30 AD)

In 2009 superhuman quarterback and regional beer pong champion Kyle Orton became a household name by leading the Denver Broncos into November as one of the NFL's two remaining undefeated teams. By season's end, this Chicago castoff would complete over 60% of his passes for a blistering 3802 yards. In the new pass-happy NFL, Orton managed to keep pace with the pack, ranking in the top half of all quarterbacks. While other big names like Garrard and Hasselbeck faded into oblivion, Orton thrived under the pressure and delivered a career season.

Did you know...

That the Buffalo Bills haven't made a playoff appearance since Wade Phillips benched Doug Flutie for Kyle Orton on January 8th 2000?

Kyle Orton's Wikipedia page includes the phrase "Heisman Trophy Hopeful"?

Orton's career rushing yards, when multiplied by 3 million, would stretch all the way to the moon and back?

The tensile strength of Kyle Orton's neckbeard is such that you could create a functional, ASME A17 compliant elevator cable by weaving 16 of them together? 

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NFL Quick Hits

By:  Bobby Shores

Well this off-season just never really slows down, there has been amazing story after amazing story every week. Usually now since OTA's are over the stories are few and far between until training camps kick off in late July. Regardless though I will always have some things to talk about in the Quick Hits column. Unfortunately, due to time constraints this is a shorter "Quick Hits" than usual.

Bounty Gate Keeps Getting Worse for Goodell & NFL - This story just keeps getting weirder and weirder and I don't even know where to start. First off the NFL has horribly mishandled this, they have screwed it up to the point where I think most NFL fans are starting to doubt that they have the evidence to prove the system existed. After the appeal hearings the players all made very passionate statements declaring their innocence and the NFL responded by showing evidence to 12 reporters, unfortunately that evidence was typed copies of hand written notes (how do we know the typed versions are accurate, and who wrote them?), they also showed the video that supposedly shows Anthony Hargrove saying "Pay me my money" but Hargrove's head is blocked and the words dont't line up with the video.

They also kinda threw Joe Vitt under the bus saying that one of the notes was him pledging $5,000 to knock out a QB, but they never formally accused him or punished him for it, and Vitt now says he never did that. The twice convicted felon Mike Ornstein who the NFL said admitted to everything, but now Ornstein is publicly saying he NEVER said that there was a bounty program or that him or anybody else contributed to the pool.

While the CBA doesn't require the NFL to do much of making evidence or witnesses available, they need to stop this now! Their credibility, which when it comes to discipline is already non-existent, if the NFL has a "smoking gun", they need to release it and release it NOW.

At the beginning of the "bountygate" scandal I believed the league that the players were guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt; now, I still believe that they did it (like nearly every other team) I just don't believe that Goodell has any evidence that can't be torn apart or doubted in the minds of the fans.

I have found the best coverage and analysis of this case so far (like most everything NFL) is at ProFootballTalk.com, and I suggest you go there and see what Mike Florio has to say, because as a former lawyer he understands this and will really make you go "Say Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!?"

Bryant McKinnie Overweight Again - Former Vikings and current Ravens Left Tackle Bryant McKinnie has apparently reported to OTA's overweight......again. This has been an ongoing issue with McKinnie since he was drafted by the Vikings and when he was young and athletic enough to overcome it they looked the other way, but when his play started to slip due to the extra small child he was carrying, they cut him.

Then here come the Ravens who desperately needed a solid left tackle and probably believed that McKinnie would be motivated to keep his weight in check, which he was the first year. Now he is reportedly only 9lbs. away from his target weight of 345, which I have watched enough "Biggest Loser" to know that a big guy like that can lose 9lbs. in a day or two, if he cuts out the chalupas.

McKinnie will lose the weight, because he was one of the guys during the lockout that went broke and apparently had to take out a loan to the tune of $4.3 million at probably the highest legal interest rate, I have a feeling if paying that back isn't motivation enough, once that guy's enforcers come and break a few fingers or a kneecap (which would severely damage his earning potential) than he will get motivated.

After all the issues that McKinnie has had during his career, from nearly eating himself out of the league multiple times, getting himself kicked off the Pro Bowl team, suspended for 4 games due to a brawl in Miami, and was a key figure in the "Love Boat" scandal that rocked Minnesota years ago. Lots of guys have been blackballed from the league for a lot less, and it just shows that in the NFL talent trumps everything.

LaDanian Tomlinson Retires As A Charger - LT announced this week that he would sign the worthless "1-day contract" to retire as a San Diego Charger. Tomlinson was the most electrifying running back of my generation, and is no doubt a Hall of Famer [Editor's Note:  The whole idea of "1st Ballot Hall of Famer" is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, either a player is a Hall of Famer or he isn't, I mean they don't have a special wing or an asterisk on the plaque for 1st ballot guys....do they?].

LT accomplished a lot during his career, including setting the single season rushing touchdown record at 31, which will probably not be broken for a long time as the aerial attacks have taken over the NFL and most teams rely on multiple running backs rather than just one.

In my opinion he is also one of, if not the, most versatile players/running backs in the history of the NFL. He showed this by rushing for over 1,000 yards and catching 100 passes in the same season, the only player to ever do so. During a time where running backs are blowing out knees and other body parts rapidly, LT made it through his entire career without a major surgery, and that was while he was a "workhouse" back, another great accomplishment. Check out Kerry J. Byrne's piece over at SI.com for a full breakdown of LT's impact and greatness.

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NFL Pro Bowl - Who Cares? Everybody!

By:  Bobby Shores

I have written about the Pro Bowl a few times, about how horrible it is, how painful to watch it is, how the players play harder during a walk through in shorts and shirts. So why am I writing about it again? Because its in the news, and no matter Roger Goodell, the NFLPA, owners or the league owned network says, they were NEVER seriously considering canceling the game....it makes to much of what they all love the most...money$$$

Regardless of how bad it is, or how much myself and other fans complain about it, the NFL is still going to play it, and they came out and said it. Why you ask? For the same reason I know how bad the actual game is....because me and most football fans watch it, even if the league literally put flags on the players and skirts on the quarterbacks (just like Goodell wants to do in regular season games) we would still watch it. Don't pretend that you, yea you reading this article, don't watch the Pro Bowl....the ratings say otherwise.

Now that the NFL and evil commissioner/dictator  Goodell (and plenty of owners) have openly admitted that they are "disappointed" in the quality of the game, why would they still to choose to put a subpar product on the field and our tv screens for our viewing displeasure? Because we watch it! It's basic economics, the laws of supply and demand. The demand for football games currently outweighs the supply, which means they need more inventory (games) to meet current demand, which is why the NFL Network is now doing a full slate of 16 Thursday night games, along with games all day Sunday, a game Sunday night and another one Monday night. Do you really think that the owners are going to give up ANYTHING that makes them money? Hell no! Especially when the NFL's All-Star game is the highest rate of any sports All-Star game, even when they actually put meaning on the outcome (I'm talking about baseball for any of you living under a rock). 

In 2012, 12.5 million viewers tuned into the Pro Bowl, which is 1.5 million people more than baseball's "All-Star" game got, and like I mentioned above, the outcome actually means something in baseball. That is (calculator out) 25 million eyeballs (not including any 1-eyed pirates) that advertisers get to plug their products and/or services to. The owners also get over $4 million from Hawaii to host it, if I was an owner I would probably demand two Pro Bowls!

Wrap up but don't tackle

So we know that the owners make some serious bank off the Pro Bowl, but why do the players put themselves at risk to play in an un-glorified exhibition game? [Editor's Note:  While I don't know the exact #, more and more players make up excuses to not play in the game each year] Well, for starters there is the honor of being named to the All-Star team, plus many of them have bonuses in their contract for being named to the Pro Bowl, but they typically get that money just for being voted in, not tied to showing up. Besides that, they get a free trip for themselves and their spouse to Hawaii, and a $25,000 check for just showing up, and another $27,000 if they win! Hmmmm, get a free trip for me and my wife to Hawaii, PLUS a check for between $25k-52k and play what amounts to a pickup game of football? Count me in!!!

The players get a ton of extra publicity by going to the Pro Bowl, they will be interviewed endlessly both during the week and on the sideline at the game, and cameras will be video taping them during practice. So this is how they can show the fans their "softer" side, instead of the always super serious (for some of them) gameday persona that we see most of the time. They will also forever be known as "Pro Bowl Running Back/Quarterback/Wide Receiver/Defensive Back/Linebacker/etc" for the rest of their lives. That accolade plus all the extra camera time really enhances the players "public image" aka "Q Rating" aka "endorsement potential" aka MONEY, and we know that's all that really matters to 95% of the players.

So how do they improve the game, get even more fans to watch, and at least make it enjoyable for us fans that physically can't not watch it? 

The obvious way is to give pay the guys massive amounts of money for playing, like $250,000 for the losers and $520,000 for the winners, also make the bonuses in their contract payable only if they play in the Pro Bowl and not just "named" to the team. But maybe that would cost too much money....

How about they get rid of the game in its current format and turn it into a massive "skills competition"? I would be EXTREMELY interested in that. Seeing all the players run 40-yard dashes against each other, broken down by similar positions and position groups. Have the wide receivers & defensive backs race, O-linemen & D-linemen, running backs and linebackers, quarterbacks and....well Goodell would probably not want the quarterbacks to run as they might get injured and then he will have to fine James Harrison for it. 

They could have the quarterbacks doing throwing drills, kickers do "trick shots", punters do the old "coffin corner" and have the big guys do a bench press drill. Who wouldn't enjoy watching someone like Larry Allen bench 700 lbs and watching the bar get permanently bent from the weight on each side alone? Once they are done with a few days of "bracket" style (America loves brackets, heck we could even fill one out for this) skills competition, they could wrap it up with a 7-on-7 tournament, where the quarterbacks pick their teams playground style [Editor's Note: The video doesn't have much to do with this, but if I can even come close to a reason to use it, I will]

No matter what the Pro Bowl has to have some changes, as it currently stands it is an embarrassment and disgrace to the shield that Goodell has promised to protect and uphold. I hope that the league and NFLPA follow through on their promise to improve the product, because after they have publicly admitted its it stinks, the demand might go away....

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Evolution of Defense - Safety

By:  Bobby Shores

About this time last year I wrote an article talking about the next "trend" in Defensive Backs, mainly that we would start seeing "hybrid" style Safety's that could cover wide receiver's, tight ends and running backs one-on-one while still being able to play "in the box". Well one year later and I am going to make a pretty big change to my theory, I believe that we are going to see the safety position on defense go the way of the fullback position on offense, nearly disappear......

The safety position was originally created as a hybrid linebacker/cornerback, a player who was not afraid of contact and had the physical size to be an extra defender in the box to help stop the run, but who was also quick and agile enough to drop back into coverage and patrol a zone, typically to help a cornerback. Of that you had a strong safety who spent more time in the box defending the run and a free safety who spent more time patrolling the deep part of the field playing the ball.

There are multiple reasons I feel the safety is going to start disappearing, but the number one reason is that with the explosion of passing in the NFL not going away, the need for a true safety is diminishing, and the need for two safeties is already in my opinion non-existent. Not only do the rules favor the offense in every aspect, the imposing safety that punishes receivers that dare cross the middle of the field would be banned from the game by Goodell after he "warned" 1 star receiver.

Now the only way to stop offenses, besides pressuring the quarterback (even then there is only a spot the size of a dime that you can hit on the passer without getting flagged, fined and suspended) is to have small quick corners that can literally become a shadow of the receivers, basically teams must have "lock down corners". With that being said, NFL teams are cornerback needy right now, every team needs 3 solid cover guys and 4 is ideal since teams are running most plays with at least 3 wide receivers and often times 4 or 5 players split out wide.

The second biggest reason I see the safety as we know it today disappearing is the lack of athletes that have the skills necessary to play it. I see there being only 2 guys in the NFL currently that can play the position properly, Ed Reed and Troy Polamalu, and both of them are at the end of their careers not the beginning. Yes you have Eric Berry, Earl Thomas, Eric Weddle, Dashon Goldson and a few others but all of them have holes in their game. In fact right now around draft time we are hearing less about safety's than ever before, that it's "not a premium position" and "not a deep Safety class", well I can't remember the last decent safety class. The reason it's not a premium position anymore is because there is nobody out there that can play it properly.

So where have all the safety's gone? My thinking is that with the emphasis being put on offense at all levels of football, especially all the rule changes that favor that side of the ball, that the fast, physical, agile players that are 6'1 and above are being moved to the offensive side of the ball at a young age, the only way that a player with the stature to play safety is kept there is if the can't catch.

This does not mean there is not a place for the guys currently playing safety in the NFL, just that their roles will be changed. I see the majority of them being moved to a nickel linebacker where they will cover tight ends and running backs. Some of the better cover guys could be moved to corner, specifically in zone schemes where the corners are typically a little less athletic, but I think we will start to see teams going to a "single high safety" scheme in the next few years and that is where most of the free safety's will be.

The move away from safety's is just another part of the ever evolving game of football, just like the fullback has largely been replaced with extra tight ends.

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