If Peyton Manning is good for anything, it's reminding the insolent masses that Denver isn't all Tebows and Quinns. The Mile High City has always served as a beacon to quality quarterback play. To the lowland crevasses of Jacksonville and Tampa flow the ass sweat of broken dreams. To heights of 5,280 feet rise the cream of perennial pro bowl performances. But who's the best of the best? It would be reckless for a mere mortal to pass judgment on gods, which is why I'm currently tapped into my neighbor's Wi-Fi.
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| Wrath invoked. Sorry, Brad. Maybe you'll set a password next time, hm? |
Let's begin.
5. Craig Morton (1977 - 1982)
After wasting many aimless years piddling around Dallas and New York,
Craig Morton finally blossomed during his Denver twilight. His best statistical
showings came during these last few seasons. Had Morton spent his entire career
in orange and blue, you would have heard of him before just now. But for all
the regrets of what could have been, he still compiled an outstanding body of work.
In particular, Morton's two Super Bowl appearances place him in the top 99.99999th percentile not just among NFL
players, but American males as a whole. (source)
4. Brian Griese (1998 - 2002)
In 2002, Brian Griese was involved in the most violent collision since
Atwater vs Okoye when he smashed face first into a slab of concrete. That sounds like part
of a larger tale, but alas, it's not. To quote CBC Sports, "Griese
was running down the driveway of (Terrell) Davis' home when he stumbled and
knocked himself unconscious."
As a side note, alcohol was
not involved in this incident as Brian was on probation for a DUI. Wink.
The point is that Griese did not miss a game despite the broken tooth,
dozen stitches and probable concussion. His toughness and team first attitude
remain his legacy. To this day young QBs, like Colt McCoy, look to iron man Brian Griese for inspiration in the face of physical
hardship.
3. John Elway (1983 - Present)
Like Dan Marino, John Elway carried a mediocre team for fifteen years. Unlike Dan Marino, he capped off his hall of fame career with back to back Super Bowl victories. He's a true NFL legend, and arguably the best QB in league history.
Even cantankerous former Chiefs columnist Jason Whitlock ranks Elway at number one. More than a decade removed
from retirement, he still enjoys a panty dropping level of influence in the
Denver area... how many active GMs have fans campaigning to erect statues of them at their home stadium?
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| Seriously. Dude looks like the love child of Donald Trump and Arnold Schwarzenegger. |
2. Peyton Manning (1998 - 2017)
Four MVPs. Eleven Pro Bowls. 1 dreamy smile. Most quarterbacks would be so lucky to have single season as awesome as Peyton's worst.
When Elway retired after the 1998 season, he handed the torch of greatness to
rookie Peyton Manning... the Denver Broncos' next world beater.
Facial features aside, some may question why Elway isn't #2 on this
list. Unfortunately, Peyton had some other advantages thanks to circumstances
beyond either man's control. The "NO TOUCHING!" 2000s have been much
more QB friendly than John's 80s and 90s, and Manning had a better set of
receivers to work with. The separation between those two may be razor thin, but as we all already knew, there's no doubt about #1.
1. Kyle Orton (4 BC - 30 AD)
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In 2009 superhuman quarterback and regional beer pong champion Kyle
Orton became a household name by leading the Denver Broncos into November as
one of the NFL's two remaining undefeated teams. By season's end, this Chicago
castoff would complete over 60% of his passes for a blistering 3802 yards. In
the new pass-happy NFL, Orton managed to keep pace with the pack, ranking in
the top half of all quarterbacks. While other big names like Garrard and
Hasselbeck faded into oblivion, Orton thrived under the pressure and delivered
a career season.
Did you know...
That the Buffalo Bills haven't made a playoff appearance since Wade
Phillips benched Doug Flutie for Kyle Orton on January 8th 2000?
Kyle Orton's Wikipedia page includes the phrase "Heisman Trophy Hopeful"?
Orton's career rushing yards, when multiplied by 3 million, would
stretch all the way to the moon and back?
The tensile strength of Kyle Orton's neckbeard is such that you could
create a functional, ASME A17 compliant elevator cable by weaving 16 of them
together?
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