With open arms we welcome the "real" refs back to the NFL fold. I know that Packer fans were on the verge of suicide if they had to suffer the indignity of one more replacement week. Now that we have moved on from "inter-touchdown-ception" gate. Lets dive into some real football. Kick off week four in The Flock:
Game 1: San Francisco at New York Jets -
Let the defensive battle begin!!!! Wait... no Revis?!?! Damnit.... Alright, so what do we get to look forward to?? The Niners D is still a beast. Adrian "all day" Peterson to 86 yards on 25 carries. Not to shabby. The Jets don't have a runner anywhere near AD's talent. So again don't expect to see NY run the ball much. However, Christian Ponder seemed to find that the 49ers couldn't stop any passes in the middle. Knowing Jim Harbaugh as well as I do (I was in the same town as him once) that weakness will be closed. The Jets do have alot of talent on their defense other than Revis. Bart Scott and Calvin Pace will make it very hard for San Francisco to establish the run, which seems to be paramount to getting their offense off the ground. Both teams in a nut shell. San Francisco will be more focused and driven after an embarasing loss to Minnesota. New York is tough to say.... is Sanchez going to show up or do his Houdini impersonation. With the Jets inconsistent offense and losing their biggest defensive weapon, I give the W to San Francisco.
Tebow (there I didn't talk about the Jets without mentioning Tebow)
Wrong again dude!!!
Game 2: Seattle at St. Louis -
Easy Packer fans... don't throw eggs at your computer because I mentioned those Seahawks. I don't blame you for being angry... but seriously Matty P, move on. :) Seattle has, (what I proclaimed at the begining of the year) a sneaky defense. The offense still doesn't do it for me. I like what Lynch is able to do when he gets going. Russell Wilson is no Trent Dilfer. And Golden Tate is a butt-pipe. St. Louis has ALOT of problems against anything that resembles a defense. Against Chicago last week, their top reciever (Amendola) had 5 receptions for 66 yards and no End Zone action. The running game is very hit and miss. Jackson is a beast, but the Rams get behind early and have to abandon the run. If St. Louis wins this game, I will tongue kiss a polar bear. (purely consensual of course) The Seahawks are going to steam roll the meager Rams.
Yes... Yes you do.
Game 3: Miami at Arizona -
WTF is going on in Arizona? Kevin "corn on the" Kolb has changed Arizona from a desolate desert into a oasis with dancing Larry Fitzgerald monsters! Ken Whisenhunt has done alot with that defense. Now for the big surprise, Beanie Wells is injured and placed on IR until at least November 25th. So that leaves Ryan Williams.... yea, I said "Who?" also. He's a bit of a dark horse, but has alot of potential. If Arizona can establish the run early, I see him breaking off some big plays. Just don't get cocky! Arizona came off a big win against a sickly Eagles team. Miami on the other hand... The thing that got Miami moving was Bush (much like most men) . Now we are unsure Bush will be able to split wide. ; ) Queue Daniel Thomas. He only had 69 yards on 19 carries against the Jets last week. But he was able to reach the promised land. But like the Rams, the Dolphins are going to fall behind early and have to abandon the run. Miami stood toe-to-toe with the Jets last week, but not going to happen here. Arizona is going to run Williams right down Miami's throat and then let Patrick Peterson do a riverdance in honor of Ryan Tannehill. The Cardinals will send Miami back to South Beach body bags.
To recap, the NFC "Worst" has changed it's stripes. You have some of the most impressive defenses in the NFC, the ability to run the ball, and just some crazy luck.
Arizona will move to 4-0
Seattle will move to 3-1
St. Louis will fall to 1-3
and San Francisco will move to 3-1
Until next week haters!
These aren't the droids your looking for... But this is the fantasy football advice you need!
Find out who REALLY shot J.R.! Follow J.R. Shepperd on Twitter: @TCM_Revolver
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are that of J.R.Shepperd and do not necessarily reflect Blogger.com, ReclinerQB, any parent or subsidiary cooperation's, or any other contributor to ReclinerQB. Failure to recognize this disclaimer will release a horde of Al Davis zombies!
by Matt Prendergast Based on the first three weeks of both fantasy and real NFL footballs, one thing has become abundantly clear: God and/or the NFL hates me. I'm betting on the latter, but based on my picks from last week, I'm probably way off on that.
So this week, using a little of that fancy 'ESPN SportsScience' they showed on Monday that proved that the optimum quarterback height is 3'7", along with a lot of my own 'ReclinerQB Replacement Officials Factor' (it kinda like sabermetrics, except not boring and for nerds), we're gonna do things a little different.....last week, some guy named 'Javorski' scored a touchdown, so it's clearly time to take this off-road. Enjoy the ride!
And despite Twitter getting all suckered in today, it's Wednesday, and a deal isn't close, so strap your harnesses tight, because this jackalopes are running Week Four, come hell or high-water.
A RARE THURSDAY NIGHT WHO CARES GAME PREVIEW!
Browns@Ravens - In a normal world, I'd say 'start all your Ravens, except screw their defense, and pretty much only start Richardson from the Browns, unless you're stuck in a 'bye week, then maybe Greg Little?' But this weekend changed the entire football stratosphere, forever, so instead....
Look at that gorgeous hair!
Browns Start: Bernie Kosar. There's no #19 currently on the Browns' roster, so there's a terrific chance that Kosar will receive statistical credit for 280 yards passing and 3 touchdowns - ignore the fact that one of those will be a field goal, one will be a runback by #16 Josh Cribbs, and one will be scored by the Ravens - you're trying to win in your fantasy league, jerk, you've got to go where the credit will be given. Browns Screw (gross): Trent Richardson, who is guaranteed to finish the day with 23 rushes for -52 yards of defensive pass interference.
Ravens Start: Dennis Pitta wears #88, so by all means, you need to roll rookie WR Deonte Thompson, who may possibly be inactive, but wears number 83, and 3's look like 8's, right? He will get you about 78 yards and a score in the TE spot (and in a PPR, his 14 targets will be unconquerable). Ravens Screw: Ray Rice - as he is both a rushing and receiving threat, this kills his value, as current NFL officiating policy dictates that positive rushing yards cancel out positive receiving yards at a one-to-one ratio, so Rayplug is gonna end up with about 6 and a Quarter total yards from scrimmage.
The Cleveland Browns Take It With a Third Quarter Touchback For the Winning 9 Points We Move to the Regular Games..... Chargers @ Chiefs - A Barnburner!
Charger Start: Vincent Brown on the IR will really take KC by surprise with his four touchdowns on fair catches. Charger Screw: Malcom Floyd, who is certain to be hampered all day long by multiple seven-yard penalties for 'Spelling Malcolm Wrong'.
Chief Start: Peyton Hillis, because the back judge totally needs 31 out of him in the flex. Chief Screw (That's a terrific mascot name, btw): Jamaal Charles, who, as alluded to earlier, will be unwantonly contributing all his Sunday stats to the Peyton Hillis Flex Experience.
Chiefs Win: 31 to 4 Cheathawks @ Rams - We're gonna go 'very special episode' here for just a minute, so bear with me; Eff Pete Carroll, Eff Russell Wilson, and then use both of them to violently Eff Golden Taint. You will never be forgiven, you three lying crapsacks. They should have hobbled you on your way out of USC, Pete, and hobbled you good.
Deacon's own jersey was so frightened of him that
it urinated on itself before he put it on. Fact.
Cheathawks Start: All of them - Wilson, Taint, Edwards, Lynch, Obamanu, Largent, T.O., Shaun Alexander - ALL of them, ever. Because all they need to do is cry a little longer, and use those puppy eyes and and all the rules change. Every Seahawk that ever lived will get you 112 yards rushing, 105 receiving, 2 touchdowns in fantasy this week, plus 3 picks for IDP leagues. Cheathawk Screw: All of them, again. But this time with a pneumatic hammer.
Rams Start: Deacon Jones and the Rams D. Don't matter if Deacon ain't playing anymore, he's sure enough gonna make sure these chump refs finally give him credit for 347 sacks, and do you think any of those puds are gonna argue with Deacon? Rams Screw (painful): Steven Jackson, who's bound to have his knee destroyed when four of the 'Hawks Malachi Crunch his right knee helmet-first.
Cheathawks Win By -12 points!
49ers @ Jets - This game will be history-making, as it will be the first time John Harbaugh and Rob Ryan square off against each other according to the officiating cheat sheets.
Niner Start: Jim Harbaugh - chances are terrific that the one replacement ref who helped built the railroad across this great land is going to remember Captain Comeback is a QB, and that'll be good enough for 223 and three and a half touchdowns. Niner Screw: Randy Moss. That one's serious. Don't play Randy anymore. Ever.
Jets Start: Jim Harbaugh, because the other ref that needed a ride to the stadium on account of the shakes and the 'not legal to drive' condition will also remember JH is a quarterback, but he's sure not listening to that old fart back judge about which team, he smells like buttfoot. Also good here for 223 and three and a half touchdowns. Jets Screw: Plaxico Burress, who is going to kill the Jets momentum with his patented fourth quarter 'unopen in the end zone on account of not having a job'. This will result in four minutes in the penalty box for Dustin Keller. Niners Win On a Third Period Drop Goal! Panthers @ Falcons - Yeesh. Even without the crud reffing, this is going to be ugly.
'You got Cam too? AWESOME, DUDE!'
Panthers Start: Cam. You know damn well at least three of every one of these Fan Crews drafted him early in the first round, probably with a top 3 pick. Panthers Screw: Well, the rest of them certainly aren't getting any breaks. Expect a lot of called-back runs and receptions under Replacement Rule Book #34: 'No Forward Progress Unless You're Cam Newton'.
Falcons Start: Billy Joe Tolliver as your WR1, has to be, because he wore #11, and Latinos don't play football, right, white hat judge? 'Julio', that's funny! Falcons Screw: Tony Gonzalez, because man oh man, white hat judge, now you're trying to trick me again! If'n there ain't a first one, there sure ain't another one! You're sh-thouse crazy, funny! Sure I'll buy an old Saturn from you after the game!
Final Score: Cam Newton 52 Panthers 0 Falcons 7 Vikings @ Lions - Certainly didn't expect the Vikes to be leading their division, didja? But I did expect the Lions to sorta suck it, so I was kinda right.
Vikings Start: Chris Kluwe, who should lead the Vikes offensively with 25 points based on the traditional NFL '5 points per punt' rule, instated way back at the kick-off of this game. Viking Screw: Jerome Simpson, because that sideline judge is also his parole officer, and he's gonna set him up for 'holding' with a drop bag on his first game back.
Lions Start: Barry Sanders, who will finally get that NFL rushing record he hasn't been chasing for 14 years. Lions Screw: Kevin Smith. Like usual.
Vikings Win, 7-6, 3-6, 7-4 and Advance to the Quarterfinals Patriots @ Bills - One things for certain in this week's re-staging of this immortal blood feud: One of these teams is leaving with a retroactively cleansed undefeated record, and the other will be exiled to Bolivia to begin their new lives as a sugar cartel. (Replacement Rule Book #123)
Pats Start: Steve Grogan, the greatest quarterback in Patriots' history See below for all the proof you need. Pats Screw: Lou Diamond Phillips in La Bamba.
Bills Start: OJ Simpson. Bills Screw: OJ Simpson.
Nicole Brown Simpson Is The Loser In This Matchup.....OLD SCHOOL OJ HUMOR FTW! Bengals @ Jaguars - This game will be cancelled due to Head Referee Jim Core's incurable lifelong fear of big cats.
Double Forfeit, Which Means Free Crunch Dip at Dairy Queen! Dolphins @ Cardinals - It's gonna be a tough ride to the desert for the Sunshine Saviors - particularly since the Ruby Tuesday's next to the Red Roof where the refs are staying is running a 3-for-1 on Jagerbombs on the Saturday night before.
'That's a 5 yard penalty for...uh..krunking?'
Dolphin Start: Karlos Dansby. Playing against his old squad, Karlos should easily be able to intimidate the officiating crew into crediting him with 4 sacks, 2 picks and 11 Two Point Conversions. Dolphin Screw: I'd feel safe playing any of their receivers, as all the OPI calls will be going against Chad Johnson, that guy the officials saw on Hard Knocks, because he's their receiver, right guys?
Cardinals Start: Beanie Wells, though temper your expectations, as his status on the IR will likely result in being credited with under 8 three-pointers. Cardinals Screw: Larry Fitzgerald, as his propensity for roughing the passer, icing the puck, and filibustering the House of Representatives is going to cost his fantasy owners more than a few Pac-Mans. Raiders @ Broncos - Finally, a game this week that may indeed elicit a stadium fire with one bad call! While the 'inciting' part of that riot might be easier were this in Oakland, that fresh mountain air sure can carry an ember!
Raider Start: Seabass. This one's for real. Seabass is not only the greatest kicker to ever play, not only the greatest Raider to ever play, but might one day be regarded as the greatest person ever. Raider Screw: Darren McFadden, who will be forcibly ejected from the game early in the first quarter for 'Eyeballing the Back Judge' (Replacement Rule Book #3)
Broncos Start: Eh, whoever, pick one! Broncos sit: Gary Hogeboom.
Final Score: Denver: Eleventy, Raiders: π
Titans Oilers @ 1984 Texas Rangers - What better way to celebrate our rich American history in sports than by really going throwback! Anybody can wear a jersey, but not just anybody can use their oil money to tear a rip in the time-space continuum....HOORAY FOR TEXAS!
Oiler Start: The Tyler Rose, Earl Mothereffing Campbell. Below is the greatest run in the history of the sport, and some thirty years later, will garner you 15 and 2/3rds points in regular fantasy scoring Oiler Screw: Chris Johnson. Seriously: Eff that guy already. Useless. He'll be good for 18 carries for 3 yards. FOR REALS.
Rangers Start: Buddy Bell...should go 3 for 5 with a double and a knock. A ringer against lefties, and a solid glove. Rangers Screw: Odell Jones. Classic gas can. Oilers should light him up early.
WINNER: THE HOUSTON COLT '45s Redskins @ Buccaneers - Considerado un clásico de rivalidad absolutlely nadie, aquí está uno de esos 'sólo' para los fans de emparejamientos en la cuarta semana.
Redskins Beginn: Ryan Grant - Sie wollten nicht unterschreiben ihn seinen Arsch auf der Bank sitzen! 152 Meter und eine halbe Touchdown! Redskins Schäube: Robert Griffin III, da diese refs haben genug von seinem "Talent" Unsinn hatte.
Buccaneers Početak: Stvarno, Doug Martin je samo redovito 'ići' na ovoj momčadi tjedna u tjedan dana i van, ali Redskins nisu najtvrđeg protiv pass, pa ako bi moglo biti dobar tjedan za Vincent Jackson ili Mike Williams - osobito u savijati. Buccaneers Vijak: Josh Freeman je najviše nezanimljiv bek početkom u NFL danas.
Fitorja Për Redskins, që të fillojnë të kërkojnë Moxie e tyre!
Saints @ Packers - I'm too close to this one, so instead I'm turning over this game preview to fellow ReclinerQB contributor Sonny Prier: New Orleans Saints = Napping guy Green Bay Packers = Pit bull NFL Referees = Renton
Start ALL your Packers, and screw ALL your Saints. Winner by a score of Green Bay 48 to New Orleans 14....THE SAINTS! Giants @ Eagles - Once a must-see, I'm afraid this year's showdown might get pretty unwatchable fast.
Giant Start: Eli Manning, as Umpire Oscar Shorten's kid has had that Manning Fathead up on the wall for ten years now, only he's wearing mostly white and a little blue, but that's the same guy, right? Give him six downs! Giant Screw (that's funny, kids!): All the NFL fans. Again this week.
Eagles Start: LeSean Tomlinson Eagles Screw: Goddamned Vick. That's a real one. Not touching that guy again this year.
Bears @ Cowboys - This is the Monday Night Game, right? Probably going to miss most of it, because there's no way it's gonna be as terrific as last week.
Bear Start: Cutty! If you're in a '10 points per interception or sack taken' league! Bear Screw: Cutty! If you're not.
Cowboys Start: Romo! If you're in a '10 points per interception or sack taken' league! Cowboy Screw: Romo! If you're not.
Winner: The NFLRA
Please join me Sunday for my 'Trapped in the RedZone' live blog of all the day's happenings, and join me again next week here, when hopefully sanity has been restored and Mike Carey returns to claim the throne that is his.
Wasn't that something? Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. He's lonely.
In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - they deserve love too!
Welcome to week three of 'Matt frantically typing for three or five hours and more often when Blaine Gabbert shows up on the screen.' - For review:
NFL RedZone (not affliliated with ReclinerQB.com) is simply: Every Sunday NFL game, no commercials, hosted by the affable Scott Hanson and all wrapped up near the five o'clock hour with a montage that is only aptly described as 'Touchdown Climax Happy Explosion'. If this is your first time watching RedZone (WELCOME TO THE CLUB TIME-WARNER!), make sure you have plenty of sandwiches within arms reach, and plenty of fluids. Make your own, if neccessary, because you're not getting up again for some time.
It's Big Batch Of The Beloved's Chili today, which is going to add a sweet variant to the festivities....I'll be here all day - refresh early and often, and enjoy this ride on Football Mountain! Thanks for playing...
11:55 - I watched almost all of the RedZone Fantasy pregame show....questions: How did Akbar Gbaja Biamila get an NFL gig before Kabeer? And also, why hasn't he already eaten all the tiny people surrounding him on the set?
11:58 - Also, I never noticed before that Michael Fabiano's head looks to be half the size of a regulation football. And you're taking advice from that head. You've been warned.
12:01 - Scott Hanson has warmly greeted the new Time Warner/Brighthouse viewers in the appropriate fashion: by getting an Arnold Schwarzeneggar-circa-1986 haircut. BOLD!
12:04 - Four Kickoffs so far. No scores, no picks. This is bunk.
12:05 - Jets starting off with Sanchez and Tebow in on the opening play.....and it's incomplete.
12:06 - Mohammed Sanu just dropped a bomb to AJ Green out of the Wildcat. Bengals up by seven. WILDCAT RULES!
12:07 - Early Double-Box - Lance Moore score for the Saints! Chiefs-Saints already well on the way to a two hundred point game.
12:09 - I don't know who's doing the call on the Lions/Titans; I do know that one of them is drunk. MARK SANCHEZ PICK!
12:10 - Tony Romo pick! We're all evened up at 2 TDs, 2 picks. Parity.
12:11 - I think I just saw Michael Bivens from Bell Biv Devoe on the Tampa bench. That girl is poison.
12:12 - When did Reggie Bush get great? There should have been a memorandum. Whoops, just cut to Vikes/49ers, for no lie, for 6 seconds, then out.
12:13 - And as we expected, the Niners have no answer for the Vikings offensive assault. Huh? - Also, Daniel Thomas TD for the Fins - back to Vikes, AD to the 2. NOW A BILLS TOUCHDOWN! Some guy I don't know, TJ Graham or something. Start your studs.
12:14 - In general, defensive linemen need to stop celebrating when they do their job. TOUCHDOWN VIKES! Kyle Rudolph. It's anarchy there.
12:17 - Game Line announcement: Cowboys already have three penalties and a pick. How bout 'dem Boys? Glory Hole!
12:18 - Doug Martin is a good running back. First and three inches for Tampa. Chiefs are threatening, but seem halted at the 10. LUKE STOCKER TOUCHDOWN! Yeah, I don't know who he is either.
12:19 - Eh, Chiefs settle for a kick. 7-3. You're falling off the pace....also, Jags FG as well. Things already looking up.
12:20 - Bengals throwing out of the end zone - pick and score for the Redskins. Mayhem.
You can probably take off the pads, Fred.
12:21 - Back in five - child needs food. Also, Matt needs food.
12:22 - Wait up....Ron Pitts and Mike Martz are doing the Lions/Titans game. So Martz was the one that sounded head-deep in a rye barrel. Might not be drunk after all, I think that's just Martz. Jason Hanson FG. Also Robbie Gould FG for the Bears. DULL.
12:25 - CJ Spiller for a 32 yard score. Fred Jackson owners: time to let it go. He's not coming back.
12:26 - As expected: Vikes stifling the anemic Niners offense. WHAT IS HAPPENING?
12:27 - Yearly Devery Henderson sighting in New Orleans. Scour your waiver wires!
12:29 - Jimmy Graham is hard as steel - gets a terrific first down for the Saints. Also, just like clockwork, the Vikes with a huge pass to Harvin making them threaten again. It's just not fair, San Fran.
12:31 - They just showed a highlight of Chris Johnson. Running for ten yards. Let. It. Go.
12:31 - Still need chili. Mean it this time....Andrew Luck to T.Y. Hilton. Touchdown.....okay, now going for chili.
12:40 - Okay, I know I had Fritos, but they've vanished. And these brand new crackers are stale. God damn it.
12:41 - Bengals scored another six....right to Cutty throwing a pick to Cortland Finnegan, who then fumbled - but it looks like down-by-contact. Gonna challenge.
12:43 - Cowboys scored somewhere in there....I can't keep up with all of this, Cap'n, I'M JUST A MAN.
12:44 - Titans just pulled some crazy trick play on a punt return for a TD. The Lions might actually be the worst team in the NFC North, but Cutler's got a lot of time left in his game.
12:45 - 'I gotta show you what just happened to Mark Sanchez'....always a good lead-in. A DOLPHIN SACKED HIM AND THEN DID PEE-WEE HERMAN'S 'TEQUILA' DANCE OVER HIM. That's the best thing I'm going to see this week.
12:46 - And apparently CJ Spiller has been injured. This chili is powerful. Fred Jackson back in play for next week! Currently, the Bills are running Tashard Choice, whom I thought was retired.
12:48 - Aha, it was DeMarco Murray for the Boys' score. Good news! Oh, look, another CJ2K highlight! For a seven-yard loss. Parity.
12:51 - This note on the Bengals: AJ Green is unbelievably talented. And if he gets hurt, ever, their entire season is over.
12:52 - Jake Locker to Jared Cook for a 61 yard score. Because this is the week I gave up on Cook.
12:54 - Christian Ponder just tripped Adrian Peterson. Excellent analogy for when the Vikes eventually lose this game.
12:56 - Bengals fake FG. Which failed. Not a good sign for the second half....Christian Ponder just took a keeper a LONG way to increase the Vikings lead. So who's the best team in the NFL next week, then?
12:59 - LeRon Landry, the one Jet I like, is hurt. And maybe so is Devin Hester. The humanity.
1:00 - It doesn't seem like the Lions are even playing Kevin Smith at all. And I don't trust that at all, either.
1:01 - My whole left leg fell asleep - trying to walk it off, but we've got some troubles. This must be what it feels like for Ben Rothlisberger when he gets flushed out of the pocket.
This guy. Give. Him. Ball.
1:03 - Steven Jackson is out of the game again for the Rams after a three yard outing or something. Should have run with Richardson. As for the Chiefs, I've now seen Matt Cassell miss throws on two or three certain scores.
1:05 - You can shut down the Lions, but you can't shut down Jason Hanson.
1:06 - I don't think there's a less exciting QB playing in this league than Josh Freeman. They should just have 'Meh' written on the back of his jersey.
1:07 - Tebow on a fake punt. God I can't wait for his nonsense to be out of the league.
1:09 - Is Trent Richardson playing today? What the hell, Browns. He's your guy.
1:10 - Unrelated, but I gotta get this off my chest: Who the eff gives a rat's ass what Jim Brown thinks about ANYBODY on the Browns? Great running back in the early 70s; now bitter old man. I've never seen any old bitterman get more press off what he thinks about guys on his old team. Of course, Brett hasn't been retired that long yet....
1:16 - RG3 having a rookie game so far. That could change.....also TOUCHDOWN TRENT RICHARDSON! Thanks for listening, fellas!
1:16 pt. 2 - David Akers just had an FG attempt blocked. The wheels are spinning off the bus, Captain Comeback. Better get your extra-motivation cap on for half-time......also, TOUCHDOWN MICHAEL BUSH in the Bears/Rams scrum.
1:17 - Pierre Thomas with a terrific catch, which he then got off the ground with and ran into the end zone untouched. Which brings up a related point, being that the Chiefs suck.
1:18 - More Cincinnati Wildcat! Touchdown Benjarvus. Get it together Skins, this is getting fugly.
1:20 - If Alfred Morris doesn't put Washington on his back, and soon, doesn't he realize he's going to vanish from the face of the Earth?
1:20 - Never mind on Pierre Thomas, sounds like he didn't catch it or something.
1:22 - As expected, Jake Locker is having his way with the Lions. WHO SWITCHED MY PILLS?
1:23 - You know how devastating Donald Brown is on the Colts? Mewelde Moore just appeared from 2006 and scored for the Colts.
1:24 - I knew I should have sat Griffin when Mikey Fabiano noted specifically that there was nobody outside of Drew Brees he would start over Griffin this week. Stupid buttbag.
1:25 - And here comes Evan Royster! That didn't take long.
Worth every penny. The teeth are, at least.
1:26 - CJ2K update! Dropped pass in the flat! Also, CJ Spiller has a shoulder problem, not coming back today.
1:28 - There's a lot a really good rookie kickers this year - Greg Zuerlein just put 3 on the board for the Rams from 56 yards. OOPS! Reggie Bush has also sustained a leg injury. Not a good day to be a league leader.
1:29 - Whenever we get near the half on most of these games, they make Hanson get into game breakdown/analysis. Which shows that we need to push for staggered halftimes.....Second Best Highlight of the Day! A ref threw his hat on the field in the Dallas game and tripped Ogletree with it in the endzone. I'm now on board with the replacement refs.
1:34 - I just noticed that when it's inside a helmet, Tony Romo's face looks like it's been drawn in an animation studio. Or possibly applied to his head via Silly Putty transfer.
1:36 - LeShoure seems to have had a decent debut thus far - 61 yards at the half. This will make it more crushing when he suffers a knee injury in the third quarter.
1:38 - Romo going for it all with 2 seconds left....AND....nothing.
1:39 - Niners/Vikes starting the second half....Niners already in scoring position thanks to 94 yard kick return from Kyle 'Death Threats' Williams. Yeah, remember that San Fran, when you were threatening to KILL a punt returner last year? Because I had almost forgotten that. Now I hope you lose. (No offense, Josh)
1:40 - And that all turned into a field goal. Pshaw.
1:42 - Hanson is pimping 'Touchdown Climax' again for the new viewers....and rolled that into the Quadbox Twitter challenge. And both are devastatingly scary with his new True Lies haircut.
1:44 - Somehow Dexter McCluster just caught a ball, which injured him, and then he dropped the ball without being touched, and then the Saints picked it up and ran it in for a score, but the whistle had blown the play dead. THIS ISN'T AFFECTING THE GAME AT ALL, ROG.
1:45 - LaRon Landry apparently wasn't hurt seriously, as he just picked off Ryan Tannehill and ran into the endzone. Don't throw on LaRon, Ry.
1:51 - MJD over a hundy and a long long trot for a score....meanwhile, the replacement refs are going to have to make a decision in the Saints/Chiefs game that they have no way of not looking like a-holes afterwards. Fantastic.
1:54 - And somehow, the final call was still wrong. ALFRED MORRIS WILL NOT BE SAT! Touchdown, your Washington Redskins.
1:55 - Brees - Graham- six. Also, Pierre Thomas would be a terrific running back on a team where he wasn't splitting carries with three other guys. San Fran charging back on the Vikes, Vernon Davis for six. Now taking a five minute break, I'm getting dizzy.
1:58 - Wait! Jets within the ten, Tebow at QB. Fake option or something, losing yards. Good. Tired of that guy. Sanchez back in....AND THROWS A PICK! No, Rex, this isn't a circus at all.
2:00 - Lions going to all 'all Calvin Johnson' scheme. That only took almost three weeks...but the touchdown is for the unstoppable Mikel LeShoure.
2:11 - Another FG in the Titans/Lions game. Who wants to start an all-kicker league? Bironas shanks it!
You are still not forgiven.
2:12 - RG3 doesn't give up. On the three, and the Skins could tie this up....Also, I'm glad I'm not watching the Colts/Jags game, because it might make me try heroin.
2:13 - Touchdown Santana Moss! Then, up north, Touchdown Kyle Rudolph! (That's two for Kyle, and the only one Santana will have for the next month.
2:17 - Another Saints score, Brees to some guy I never heard of and you don't have on your roster.
2:18 - Darrelle Revis is injured. Flights to the Island have now been booked solid.
2:19 - Jets just wrapped a nice personal foul around a Dolphins' first down play....shot to the head after the receiver was down. Classy and controlled.
2:20 - Benjarvus - FUMBLE? The dream is dead. The dream is dead. Move your family to the fallout shelter.
2:21 - Niners' fumble, Minnesota recovery. Minnesota remains the juggernaut we've all feared these many years.....HOLY HELL. All of you questioning Jamaal Charles can suck one, 89 yards and 6 for JC. You benched him, didn't you. You are heathen.
2:23 - Wheedan to...um...Travis Benjamin? I think that's what they said....Browns will not lie down, better get your beard on, Fitz!
2:24 - 'Illegal Touching' in the Lions game, which, if I'm staying current with the law of the land, should get Titus Young 15 years with a chance of parole at 7.
2:25 - Rex Ryan could lose all his weight and his head would still look fat.
2:26 - Some Miami RB just scored six....and as I'm not up on the Fins' third string, I'm pretty sure they said his name is 'JAVORSKY' Lane. What the eff is that? That sounds like a place I'm trying to move away from.
2:28 - I apologize for that last one. That was weak. I can do better.
2:29 - I would go so far as to say, that Javorsky line was my Josh Freeman of One-Liners. Oh my, I forgot the Bears/Rams were still playing....
2:32 - CUTLER! HESTER! THROWN FIVE FEET TOO HIGH! I love you, Jay.
2:33 - The Bears are within the five, and they keep passing. Note: This is why you hired Michael Bush, Lovie. Stupid.
2:35 - Miles Austin is WAY better than Dez Bryant. Still. Why don't I learn? Bears took a 3 spot, because why not?
I Googled 'COPS Florida Methhead', and got this. Sunshine State!
2:36 - Shonn Greene just got stuffed on the one-inch line. Shonn Greene is not an NFL running back. Followed by a Sancho Overthrow. The Jets are not a good team. Related - some Miami meth addict just got two seconds of national TV time....hold onto that moment, son, it won't come again until they bring COPS back onto the air.
2:39 - Apparently Jocque Bell has maintained his backup role on the Lions - what does Kevin Smith keep effing up? Touchdown for the ageless Nate Burleson.
2:41 - And Burleson gets the two point conversion. This is why you used a first rounder on C.J. and your flyer on Titus Young. Oh, and why you took Brandon Pettigrew anywhere.
2:43 - If the Buccaneers were really any good, or half the other teams in this league, Dallas would be out of this game. As it is, they're still going to win. Bears take a bigger leader thanks to a Major Wright pick for six (that's the closest I'll come to saying it, and it's way too close).
2:45 - Stevie Johnson for six. Bills up by ten. That should be enough, wouldn't you think?
2:46 - Darius Reynaud just ran the length of the field on a kickoff return for the Titans. He also set up that other special teams touchdown earlier. And also has been the only RB I've seen move forward for the Titans. DYNASTY LEAGUE!
2:50 - Donald Brown is the Josh Freeman of starting Running Backs.
2:51 - If you're in a league where you're penalized for scoring touchdowns, by all means load your roster with Colts and Jags. And Adam Vinatieri just shanked a lead-taker. Or did he hook it? I get confused. AND TWO WEEKS IN A ROW: Andrew Hawkins breaks a mid-range play into a HUGE touchdown for the Bengals.
2:53 - The Vikings are still handily beating the 49ers. As per the master plan.
2:55 - Nate Washington just made the best catch-and-run there's going to be this week. Tennessee is no longer the worst team in football, but they still have the worst running back.
2:56 - This KC/New Orleans game is gonna end up going to the team that doesn't want it less.
2:59 - This week's Hot Waiver Wire Pickup You're Going To Regret? Nate Burleson, for the eight consecutive year.
3:01 - Dynasty Pickup of the Week You Won't Regret? T.Y. Hilton of the Colts....oh god, Tebow's in again for a play.
3:02 - The New York Jets have no business running a five-receiver set. And it's even more insulting to the sport when it includes Tebow in the slot.
'That'll do, Schwartz, that'll do.'
3:03 - Brandon Pettigrew stripped of ball, Titans touchdown. If it stands, Detroit returns to the ass end of the NFC North. Parity.
3:08 - No effing idea what's going on in the KC/NO game - apparently Brees got hit in the end zone and dropped it, or something, so the Chiefs got a safety, and the ball, and free tickets to Jersey Boys and a Blu-Ray copy of Carlito's Way, and a membership at Anytime Fitness. These new rules are fuzzy.
3:11 - They keep going back to the Jets/Dolphins every minute, and I swear a different team has the ball every thirty seconds - are they on some Super-Overtime One Down And You're Done deal? Because that sounds terrific.
3:12 - Alex Smith pick leads to Vikes win. It's all starting to even out.....
3:14 - Chaz Schilens is still in the league? And did I spell that right?
3:15 - I swear to god, if the Jets win this game on the back of Shonn Greene, I'm writing a terse letter.
3:16 - The Chiefs can still win this game. Glad the Saints spent all that offseason time distracted by the suspensions of four of their defenders, one of whom is a Brown, one of whom is unemployed, and one of whom immediately went on the PUP list.
3:18 - Shaun Hill to CJ to put Lions back in game - immediately followed by a successful onside kick recovery. They will not lie down.
3:19 - Shaun Hill still in game. You'd think Stafford would be more durable with all that extra face padding.
3:20 - HOLY HELL. Hail Mary bomb with no time left on the clock, and Titus Young catches it in the end zone. And in the Redskins/Bengals game, RG3 is attempting to do the same....AND IN THE JAGS/COLTS, CECIL SHORTS JUST PROBABLY WON THE GAME WITH LIKE NO SECONDS LEFT ON THE CLOCK OR SOMETHING. Oh, who cares? Jags/Colts. Call it a tie.
3:22 - 45 seconds left. So the Never Say Die Colts are still in this. 7 seconds left for the Skins, with some double penalty nonsense. These replacement refs wouldn't have any issues if all these games could just be blowouts.
3:25 - Bengals win, Cowboys gonna win, Chiefs taking the Saints to overtime. Grim.
3:26 - So it looks like Lions/Titans and Saints/Chiefs both going into OT. And Greg Schiano had the line rush the Cowboys on the kneeldown. Mark my words, this bullish*t from Schiano is going to cost the Buccaneers a lot of calls, and games, going forward.
3:27 - T.Y. Hilton with a huge catch - so much for Donnie Avery.
3:29 - Colossal PI call against the Jets as Miami was charging.....also, Jags beat Colts. Yay.
3:30 - AND....Miami/Jets also going to OT.
3:31 - Huge Titans catch, plus a Lions helmet-to-helmet penalty on top of the football sundae! Because your team doesn't have a control problem, Schwartz.
3:34 - Why do the Cardinals have blue jerseys on? And how did they already score a touchdown?
3:36 - HORRIBLE Call in the Titans game. Still got the PI, but somehow disallowed a catch that never hit the ground.
3:39 - Jacquizz Rodgers with the Falcons score.
3:40 - Cards are up by ten. WHAT IS HAPPENING?
3:41 - Heath Miller with another touchdown for the Steelers, continuing his yearly dominance of the TE position. Is this milk expired?
3:42 - These OT games need to end, I need a ten minute break....TEN goes up by three.
3:44 - Shawn Draughn may just fumbled the Saints to victory. Welcome back to the 2 hole, Peyton.
3:45 - Eff it. Back in fifteen, maybe. ...wait, McFadden with 64 yards for a score. Thank god.
3:46 - Oh, and Andre Johnson just scored on a three-mile long pass play.
3:52 - Tennesse won when Shaun Hill fumbled on fourth down.....as long as it's over. Back after the break....
3:56 - THE CHIEFS DIDN'T WANT IT LESS!
'Starring: Dan Carpenter'
3:58 - Here come the Dolphins......NO GOOD! Look for Dan Carpenter on the actual waiver wire some point on Monday.
3:59 - Remember when I told you to sit Heath Miller? I was very very wrong. 2nd TD. Glad I just dropped him in a league.
4:00 - Vick. Sucks. Bring in that kid. It can't hurt.....
4:02 - Nick Folk finally ends that effing....NO HE DIDN'T! BLOCKED! Except there was a time-out from the Dolphins that prevented that from being an actual play. Good job with the icing, Philbin.
4:04 - Nick Folk finally ends that effing game.
4:05 - Texans/Broncos - 7 to 5. Five?!?
4:06 - Arian Foster, making it 13 to 5. Hope they go for two, because 15 to 5 would be the best score that never happened.
4:08 - Scott Hanson should get a pair of those kick-ass red shades that Cyclops wore in X-Men.
4:10 - I can't wait for Tony Gonzalez to retire so that I can stop not drafting him because he's done and then he beats me during the year.
4:11 - Steelers get a great run back from Antonio Brown negated because of, I think, 'Name Calling', and 'Ill-Fitting Pants' against the return team.
4:13 - Kevin Kolb to Larry Fitzgerald. The Eagles look ridiculously outmatched so far.
4:17 - Pat Lee is a starting CB for Oakland. Pat Lee never went higher than the 5th QB his entire career with the Packers. Now I understand why Oakland is having trouble.
4:18 - Is Will Ferrell playing the part of Ben Rothlisberger again?
4:20 - And a 52 yard striked to Kevin Walter - because of course the Texans are airing it out today, on account of Matt Schaub hates me.
4:33 - And thus the first 'Nick Foles' mention I've heard of the day....I expect more.
4:36: - The Eagles are in an unbelievable amount of trouble. That sack/fumble better take Vick out of the game so this week isn't a complete embarrasment.
4:39 - And Jonathan Dwyer just cleared the path for Rashard to step right back into the starting lineup. Hurry on back now, Mendy!
4:40 - Nate Irving of the Broncos just may have concussed himself or worse tackling the Texans returner - and that just about sums up the Denver outing today. Hope the dude is alright, the fall to the ground did not look promising.
4:44 - CARSON PALMER BOOTLEG. He's deadly, like snake. Or snake-based boots.
4:45 - Irving is up for Denver - that's about the only good thing that's happened for them in the last two hours. And you're telling me Tebow was winning with this squad?
4:46 - Jamaal Charles ran for 233 today? Considering he's losing all those carries to Hillis, that means Peyton got like 180, right?
And by 'your mother' we mean Hines Ward, obviously.
4:49 - GREAT CATCH by Darius Heyward-Bey. Raiders tie the game. Shame on you, Pittsburgh, you hurt your mother and make her cry when you don't play hard.
4:52 - Terrific interception by the Broncos. Now Schaub is finally settling in to play some Schaubball.
4:56 - When Ben-Ben waves his hands all around to hurry the team to the line, he looks a lot like Big Bird sometimes.
4:57 - Broncos bring themselves up to 11. Because that's a normal score.
5:00 - That Steve Sabol piece is the best football we're going to see this year. That guy was amazing, period.
5:08 - Outside of the Steelers/Raiders, this whole afternoon is blowouts....and that means it's time for me to sign off for the day. The family needs me, or something....thanks for joining me again, and please join us again next week for more RedZone fun!
ALRIGHT! Three weeks in, and I haven't given up this weekly evidentiary procedure proving I have both questionable prognostication skills and an undying need for attention. Hit me with your loving hammer NFL Week 3!
Since it's clear that Roger Goodell is opting to forgo 'getting qualified professionals on the field to maintain order' in lieu of 'fining every effing player the following week because that certainly makes a difference', let's assume that we're going to continue to watch XFL 2012 full-contact footballs. Which you would think would be advantageous for the Raiders, but it looks like they forgot they're the Raiders. Sad, really, it's like time forgot them.
Seriously, Rog. How about cutting off a slice of that sweet Time-Warner Cable money and getting Mike Carey back in charge, you dink? Enough politics, GO!
Thursday Review: The Giants aren't dead, and apparently aren't even broken; The Cam Nortons are. Not sure why everybody else seemed to think that Camshaft wasn't going to get figured out, but it's pretty clear now that he has been. Great sign for the franchise when once again Steve Smith has to be the goddamn voice of common sense. In the interim, the Giants discovered their back-up RB is probably better than Ahmad Bradshaw, and they can plug whoever in at the slots and go. Glad I invested in Hakeem Nicks. Martellus Bennett is pretty alright. Fantasy warning: I would steer clear of all Panthers for the next couple of weeks, period. Running game is horrible, and Cam has now shown his first signs of Vince Youngedness in his sideline sulk, sucks for Smith - maybe Cam responds, but how do you console Superman when it turns out he was just some dude with a blanket around his neck? Also, Greg Olsen was not a sleeper; he was Greg Olsen. Rams @ Bears - Am highly looking forward to this - on the one hand, the Rams are a couple of plays away from being 2-0. And on the other hand, the Rams are a couple plays away from being 0-2. One thing is definite: The Bears are definitely, soundly, 1 and 1. You know I'm all about the Stache here, right?
Rams Starts: Might want to start rolling Bradford out there, because, you know, he's in the Top 3 performance guys right now. Right after Alex Smith. Absorb that. Also, look at that list - have I been overestimating passer rating this whole time? The top ten has seven guys that were on my 'Do Not Draft' list. Run Amendola in a WR2, especially in a PPR, and I'm good with Gibson in the WR2 slot as well. Screw 'Em: Since Steven Jackson got a groin injury from being abruptly yanked off the field, and Richardson showed up strong, I'm wary of either guy since nothing has been determined, and the Bears can still hamper the run.
I didn't make this. Don't know who did. Is great.
Bears Starts: Michael Bush. We're done here. Screw 'Em: Cutler looked beyond 'bad outing', he looked incapable and Ryan Leaflike. And I'm no longer positive the Bears are doing their fanbase justice by continuing to run with an emotionally stunted and immature clown as their offensive leader - honestly, one more ass week, and they should give Jason Campbell a run out there. Yes, I mean that. He's used to passing under constant pressure.
Sleepy-Sleeper: If for some reason Jackson is totally out of this game, I would put Richardson in the RB2 or flex spot without a flinch. Or even a worry.
Jeff Fischer's Playoff-Bound Rams Win by Seven; Chicago Sports Radio Explodes Bills @ Browns - This is going to feel weird to type, but the Browns are playing more fundamentally sound team football this year. Are my pinkies supposed to have this burning feeling?
Bills Starts: Spiller. And Scott Chandler, while the iron is hot. If you've got Stevie, it's a good week for him with Haden on the suspension list....Screw 'Em: Fitzgerald and all the rest of them.
Browns Starts: Richardson looks like he was a good pick after all - run him like you drafted him high (because I did), and I'd include Greg Little in your WR3/Flex considerations. Screw 'Em: There are no other Browns I would imagine are on any fantasy rosters anywhere. Maybe Old Man Brandon, but you aren't playing him unless you're in a 37 team fantasy league.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Meh. Don't have one. This game has the potential to get unwatchable fast.
I 'Member When I Thunk the Bills Were Good; I Was Young and Dumb. BROWNS WIN BY 3! Buccaneers @ Dem Cowboys - It only took two weeks for Dallas faithful to start melting down - right on schedule! The Boys looked inefficient against a really good defense, and a pretty good team in Seattle. Settle the eff down, hoss. Buccaneers seem scrappy, but I have a lot of trouble believing they're really more than a .500 team this year.
Buc Starts: Vince J and Doug Martin Screw 'Em: Freeman and Dallas Clark - one's unmistakably average, the other played in the 70s, what a wacky pair!
Roll Them Boys: All name brands are safe to stock on your shelf this week. Screw 'Em: Again this week, accept you wasted your waiver spot on Ogletree. He's only a factor when one of those two top-shelfers go out-of-stock for a couple of weeks.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Tampa Mike has scored in consecutive weeks, not the worst WR3 or flex guy to get out there, since VJ will continue to get the priority coverage. That said, I like the Dallas secondary, and expect low passing stats for the Tamps this week regardless.
You might want to re-list this on Ebay as soon as you order it.
Jaguars @ Colts - Jesus H. This is why there's blackout rules. This game used to be good.
Whole Game Starts: MJD. Reggie Wayne. Screw ALL The Rest of 'Em.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Donnie Avery in a flex or WR3 - we aren't at Bye weeks yet, and two week does not 'reliable' make, but....maybe in a pinch. Note: lots of sleeper notes about how Donald Brown is a great play against the Jags' worst run D in the land. Know what changes that 'Worst Run D' rep? Donald Brown.
Colts Win! Colts Win! THIS IS YOUR SUPER BOWL, INDY! Jarts @ Dolphins - A battle for a share of first place in the AFC East! How did that division become so bottle-of-pills sad so quickly?
Jets Starts: I still don't like any of these guys, really, but do you really think the Dolphins are going to hold them down and make them eat dirt? Run Santonio, for certain, the Fins are next-to-last against the pass. EVEN IF MARK SANCHEZ IS THE PASSER. Screw 'Em: They are, however, 4th against the run, which makes Shonn Greene even a worse play than normal.
Fin Starts: The Jets, however, are not in even the top half against the rushing attacks of the league, and Reggie Bush might just put together two back-to-back career games. Believe in Reggie. He needs the love. Screw 'Em: The New York Football Jets aren't particularly great against the air game either, but that's where Tannehill comes into play. Aside from Fasano in some bizarre two TE league, I wouldn't touch any of the Dolphins receivers this week in fantasy play.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Jeremy Kurley - If Santonio gets jammed up, he looks like the guy Sancho looks for more often than not, and should be good for 60 and a score.
That Said, And This Is Going to Sound Ridiculous, The Dolphins Win This Game on The Ground and Rex Ryan Nearly Has A Stroke In Beautful Florida 49ers @ Vikings - Sometimes, the gods above hand out a 'gimme'.
Niner Starts: Vernon, Frank and ALEX EFFING SMITH. Screw 'Em: All those receivers, since none of them seem to stand out whatsoever - any and all are a dice-roll at best, and you don't need to risk that this early.
Viking Starts: AD, Harvin.....maybe Kyle Rudolph in a squeeze. Screw 'Em: That defense is going to take a brutal pounding, and then still be asked to play three additional quarters.
Sleepy-Sleeper: I know what I said about the San Fran Receiving Corps, but if I've got a flex, I'm running Randy Moss out there this week - and that may be the last time I say that. Knows the team, lots of emotion, and the Niners will look to do the same thing with him against the Vikes they did against the Packers - score with him just to say they did. Bonus points if he removes his pants after the score.
San Francisco by Double-Digits. Probably In the First Half. Catch Up on Some Reading.
Chiefs @ Saints - Wow. This might be the sh*ttiest game of the week. I can't believe I'm saying that about the Chiefs/Saints in week 3. Two colossal disappointments floundering desperately to not have their season end before October. Guh.
Much less depressing. And cuter, unless Pierre wears a beret.
Chief Starts: Matt Cassell. The Saints cannot play defense, great week for your Chiefs. Screw 'Em: Your aren't still considering Hillis are you? Because some guy named Shawn Drawn or some such nonsense has edged him out of the back-up spot.
Saints Starts: Drew Brees, Pierre Thomas, Graham, Colston (if he ain't hurt), Lance Moore in a WR2. Because the Chiefs also cannot play defense either. Screw 'Em: Sproles ain't been much this year, and I think this is going to be a run-for-six, bomb, repeat kind of day....would rather have Ingram or Thomas this week.
Sleepy-Sleeper: I already put Lance Moore up there....let's include Jon Baldwin for fun! WR3/Flex only. Saints D is awful, why not?
Awful Saints are Still Way Better Than Awful Chiefs. By Like 17 Points. Book it! Bengals at Redskins - Hey, can somebody tell me how in the hell Pierre Garcon got hurt again? Because I still haven't figured that out, and you're KILLING ME, PIERRE.
Bengal Starts: While I still love Benjarvus, and you have to play him, don't look for more than RB2 #s at best. Start playing Andew Hawkins in your WR2 spot for the bye weeks, dude is a firecracker jammed in a cat's behind; you're never gonna be sure what's gonna happen, but it's bound to be exciting. (Note: We at ReclinerQB neither suggest nor endorse the insertion of Class C Fireworks into any living creature, in any orifice, so don't do that, stupid). Screw 'Em: Jermaine Gresham is kinda feeling like a washout, isn't he?
Redskins Starts: Until he blows out magnificently, RG3 is a starting fantasy QB, period. And Alfred Morris is the same in the RB category. Screw 'Em: However, until Pierre tapes up his ankle or whatever, it's anyone's guess who's gonna get the looks (outside of Fred Davis), so I can't recommend playing any of the receivers....but I can DEFINITELY say 'it's not gonna be Santana Moss ever again'.
Sleepy-Sleeper: To hell with it, put in Hankerson in your Flex. See what happens.
Locked-in: 132 on the ground and 2 scores. A PPR must-start
Lions @ Titans - Let's just say this, so the healing process can begin: The Tennessee Titans are the worst team in professional football. Accept it.
Lions Starts: The usual suspects, plus Kevin Smith since Tenn couldn't stop 'Kevin Smith, director of Clerks and Mallrats' from going a hundy, let alone a trained NFL running back. Screw 'Em: Don't have any, really.
Titans Starts: None of them. Not even Britt, even though I have to start him in three leagues. Screw 'Em: The Tennessee Titans.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Did Javon Ringer rehab his arm back to functioning yet? Because when he does, he should start being their running back. Hell, they should make a run at Steve Slaton. Sorry about your damn Johnson.
Lions By Nine Million Points Eagles @ Cardinals - Just like expected, a showdown of undefeated powerhouses! Here's the thing (copyright 2008, Kevin Moore), the Arizona Cardinals have been more convincing in their victories the past two weeks. This fact is made even more bizarre by the continued seemingly total absence of a viable offense. Should be a real barn-burner in the desert sun.
Green Bird Starts: Cards have a tougher D than anticipated, so I'd only go ahead and start only the Eagles offensive players that you have on your fantasy roster. Screw Em: Except Maclin, on account of he's not playing this week, making it three of my four drafted WRs in my money league that haven't been certain to play since week one (See: Smith, Steve and Fancy Pierre).
Red Bird Starts: I repeat, I'm not sure how the Cards have won two straight - their running game doesn't exist, and there's still nobody outside of Fitz worth starting. Screw 'Em: Ryan 'Second Coming' Williams, Beanie, Skeletor and Kolb. And anybody else there.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Not so much a sleeper, but I have that gut feeling that Vick is due a big, 'no eff-ups' game, and a convincing victory here would do a lot to solidify what's been a sketchy undefeated start to the year. If you've got Mike, run him this week without a doubt.
The Eagles By Ten Celeks! Falcons @ Chargers - Another match-up of undefeated behemoths! And this one is my coin-flip of the week, so buyer beware!
Falcon Starts: Receivers, and the QB, but temper your expectations - Chargers have a tight Defense on both sides of the game - less so on the pass, however. Screw 'Em: Mike 'Hard Lemonade' Turner....horrible match-up at the tail-end of a bad week.
Charger Starts: Falcons are about on par with the Bolts in terms of passing defense, but blow against the run. Thankfully, the Chargers still don't have a running back, necessarily. That said, I'd still run Mathews out there, even in limited duty - Rivers, Gates and Floyd are your other winners. Screw 'Em: Eddie Royal (who you don't have) and Robert Meachem (who you might) have only proven that stashing Vincent Brown on your bench for the second half of the season might be a terrific idea.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Even with Gates back, purportedly, I like the Chargers continuing to use Dante Rosario in the clutch going forward. He will never - repeat, NEVER - have another game like last week. But he certainly can have a few 45 and a scores over the year, especially with Phil needing reliable guys for a few weeks.
The Chargers Continue Their Remarkable First Month Charge To Second-Half Letdown! Texans @ Broncos - Let it be said that Peyton Manning has never had as bad of a half as he did last week. And the Broncos were still in the game. However, the Texans are purt near better than the Falcons.
Texan Starts: Foster and Andre. Maybe Owen Daniels in a tight race. Screw 'Em: Matt Schaub has been less than spectacular this year, see no reason for that to change this week - and I don't think Ben Tate repeatedly puts up RB1 numbers from the back-up slot - not against a decent defense like the Broncos.
Bronco Starts: Manning, Demaryius and....Willis McGahee. Texans are certainly tough against runners, but McGahee just seems to keep getting his week in and out - the Bronco offense keeps a balance, and that helps. Screw 'Em: Eric Decker has been of the disappoint to date. May change as the season develops. Won't change against the Texans.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Joel Dreesen. Against the team that chose to let him walk away, and arguably the more effective TE anyway, I'd run him out there this week above many of the name-brand guys - don't get stupid, there's a line of demarcation there, but you should be smart enough to know where that is.
Manning Don't Go Out Like That Two Weeks In A Row: Broncos Kick Houston In Their Holsters Steelers @ Raiders - The Raiders should send the Titans money for keeping them out of the very bottom of the Sh*tcan. You dudes just got your ass mailed home by the Miami Dolphins. How's that Palmer trade looking?
'May or may not increase in value.'
Steeler Starts: If you got Dwyer, here's your last chance to use him, and you should. Both the receivers and Shreklisberger are safe and recommended fantasy starts. Screw 'Em: Heath Miller can't keep being a productive fantasy Tight End. It defies the will of God.
Raider Starts: I guess you can't sit McFadden if you've got him, but good god. Screw 'Em: Note this was said here first; the Terrelle Pryor Era is nigh. Sit all those Raiders until further notice.
Steelers By A Ton, And Don't Be Surprised If Ben-ben is Out Clubbing/Running From The Law With Seabass by Quarter 3 Patriots @ Ravens - Now this! This is a Sunday Night Game! The 'Back-To-Terra-Firma' Flacco versus the 'Human-After-All' Brady duel; Rice v. Ridley (eh, sorta); GRONK V. PITTA!!!
Patriot Starts: Against the Ravens D? Well, run them all out there. It's not that good so far. You were playing Tom-tom and Gronk and Welker anyway - but you play your Ridley, the Ravens haven't been real sharp against the run. Screw 'Em: I'll keep saying it: Brandon Lloyd was a wasted draft pick for you. And don't be insane and run Kellen Winslow out there - he'd have been on the team before if they had a real plan for him.
Ravens Starts: Did you realize that both the Pats and the Packers - last year's worst-evar defenses are both Top 5 this year? And then did you remember that it's week 3? Good. You have basic logic skills. You don't sit Ray, I don't think you sit Flacco outside of a clear better option, and Boldin, Pitta and even Torrey Smith are all starts this week, as it's going to be high points to win this gunfight. Screw 'Em: But I'd sit the Defense. Wow. Never thought I'd type that.
Sleepy-Sleeper: There aren't any here - if I've got guys from either squad on my roster, I'm playing them. Even if it somehow ends up a defensive battle, it's well worth the risk.
Ravens Eek It Out; Pats Begin Search For Answers, Probably Involves Cutting Winslow Again Packers @ Seahawks - And, a terrific Monday night game as well - how did ESPN land that? Somebody at the schedulemaker's office must have assumed Tavaris Jackson would still be starting for Seattle at this point, and that Marshawn would be imprisoned by his own demons. As luck would have it, no such thing!
Marshawn ought to wear a big fur stole,
because that looks fantastic.
Packer Starts: Rodge, Jordy and Jennings (assuming he plays). And the Defense. Screw 'Em: Cedric - it's just a horrifying match-up - even in a flex I don't like his chances for not making you cry-sad.
Seahawk Starts: Beast-Man, the Defense, I suppose. Sidney Rice. That's probably it - you've got better options everywhere else. Screw 'Em: All those other receivers that can't separate from each other. Do they still use a Tight End?
Sleepy-Sleeper: I know you've given up on him; that's why it's the perfect time for Jermichael Finley to strike with two scores - he's at his best when you've finally benched him. So trick-er-oo him back into your line-up for one week only (for now).
The Packers Continue To Erase The Memory of That Abysmal Week One, Whilst Russell Wilson Continues To Try To Keep His Head Connected To His Shoulders As He First Meets Hunter Clay Matthews. Packers By 14.
That's it for this week - good luck and god speed. LET'S MAKE SOME CHILI DOGS!
JOIN ME TOMORROW ON THE RECLINER QB MAIN PAGE FOR WEEK THREE REDZONE LIVE-BLOGGING! It's fun and delicious!
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In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - it's takes like, a second...Make the time for those that care about you, you selfish pud.
Intrigue! Drama! Failure! Triumph! We've got it all... most.
Denver is schizophrenic.
Manning put the black hat on Monday night in Atlanta to balance out week one's all too perfect debut. We Broncos fans needed our soaring expectations tempered a bit after that thrashing of Pittsburgh, but mother of God, P-Dawg... that was an emotional double tap. His first quarter 3 INT disintegration is the kind of thing only Browns fans should have to endure.
Nothing like tapenade... and career low performances... together.
Is it over? Hells to the no. Prognosis is still promising. That they made the Falcons sweat in the end despite being -4 on turnovers is a sad kind of impressive, BUT I'LL TAKE IT! The defense looks competent, and Peyton still seems able to carry an entire offense.
San Diego is mysteriously overrated.
Some individuals are being awfully generous to the Chargers considering the horrid teams they've beaten. Tennessee and Oakland are primed to finish with a combined 0-32 record, yet mainstream sports media often overlook this while marveling over Norv Turner's incredible and nearly unprecedented 2-0 start. 25 other teams in the NFL could have just as easily rolled to 2-0 against the combo of OAK/TEN. There's a decent chance that Atlanta will bring a hard dose of reality to San Diego this week.
Oakland is ADORABLE!
When I come home after a long, crushing day of being out in The World, my loyal dog is always there at the door. No matter what horrible surprises each unforgiving day brings, dog will be there, a comforting beacon of stability. That's how I feel about the Raiders. They're like a puppy! Good old reliable shitty Oakland. Thank you for always being there for me. Getting crushed by Miami, the consensus worst team in football? Classic Oakland! Lost to SD due to not bothering to train the backup long snapper? Classic Oakland! (By the way... did anyone see him doing any warmup long snaps on the sidelines between those failed punt attempts? Because I sure didn't! CLASSIC!) I love you guys.
"Scamp" doing his Carson Palmer impersonation.
Kansas City is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. My 10-6 division winners are a catastrophe. On the bright side, they've been so unfathomably bad that it'll be impossible for them to not improve. Would even go so far to say that they will beat NO this weekend on the road. But that's the hypothetical 1-2 Chiefs. These 0-2 Chiefs lead the NFL in laughability, a stat I just made up that scores a combination of crushed expectations and getting blown out by freaking Buffalo on a scale of 0 to Matt Leinart. Bonus points for local beat writers freaking thehell out.
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