Week 4 Throwdown: Still Swinging

by Matt Prendergast, largely inaccurate but still defiant

I've had better weeks than last; I've had worse....but I'll happily be wrong about every pick I make if it means I get to watch the Bills snake one off the Patriots. It just feels good, like when a corporate CEO gets put in the slammy for a lifetime of douchery, or when you find a nice pair of slacks. Let's get to it....

Panthers @ Bears - There was a time, not too long ago, when this would have been one hell of a bruising, knockdown, dragged-out slobberknocker between two of the meanest defenses this world has ever in yards allowed....thankfully, we can use the Power of Imagination and pretend it's five years ago! YAY! This year should be no different! Except that Carolina and Chicago are 18th and 19th respectively in points given up so far, and 17th and 25th respectfully

The Fulcrum Point: I suppose there's some story in Julius Peppers taking some swings at his alma mater, but really that separation seemed pretty amicable. No, the story here starts with quarterback play, and the truth of the matter is that one guy will surely be making typical rookie mistakes, heaving errant passes, rushing plays and falling apart in panic as the game develops.

That man is Jay Cutler. That means the Bears D is going to have to make up the difference - A LOT of difference, and SuperCam has shown no signs of 'fear', 'forethought' or 'immediate tackleability'. Expect the first 'going to the head' flag ever thrown against an NFL QB when Frig'n Newton decides it's time to let Lance Briggs know what's up.

The Win Goes To: The Panthers....and the annual call for Lovie Smith's job can really kick off August with a flourish. Just like the leaves turning pretty colors.

Bills @ Bengals - I BELIEVE!!! Down 21 to skunk to the Pats, and these dudes punched their way back- this is no longer 'fluke', this is real and spectacular. I just wish Nick Barnett wasn't involved, but that's a personal grudge. Over on the home sideline, The Cincinnati Convicts are still relying on 'slick legal maneuvering' as a critical point in their offensive strategy.

The Fulcrum Point: A zero-tolerance policy. I think I speak for everybody here when I say: You don't build Super Bowl winning franchises via early-release programs. Until ownership or management or coaches - whoever, really - stop work-release policies and start enforcing a 'Strike-One-and-You're-a-Raider' edict, the Bengals will never become cohesive, and will not win big games. Big Ced has not come close to repeating his terrific Redemption Tour season of two years ago, he's just coasting on it, and he's not good enough to warrant being your top-story distraction anymore. It's embarrassing for your fans.

The Win Goes To: The Million-Dollar Bills

Titans @ Browns - Tennessee management has stated they have not lost an ounce of faith in Chris Johnson, and his abysmal start is not his fault, it's only a matter of time until the magic starts a-brewing. This indicates one important fact: if you happen to be sleeping with any of the wives of Titans' management personnel, consider yourself 'in the clear'.

CJ2K Ticker: $11,083 per yard (approx.). I decided to add in CJnoK's receiving yards for the equation, because I guess that is contributing and it's only fair....to break it down, the 21 rushing yards earned him about $232,743, whilst the big bank rolled in off those 54 catchin' yards, good for near-about $598,482. Per touchdown, he cost.....wait, how do you divide by zero? In short, by rushing alone, Chris Johnson ran across my lawn last week and made more money than I will in five years. I should've worked on my sprints more back when I had the chops. Like 'when I was five'.

The Fulcrum Point: Well, I suppose it's Golden Teeth Johnson, because he's the only real guaranteed game-breaker if he suddenly decides to show up and earn his sheckles....but I'll buy into that when I see it at this point. The loss of Kenny Britt is going to hurt this team, much more than seems evident on the surface, putting all the pressure back onto Cashbags McGee back there.

The Win Goes To: The Browns, at home. Because the home viewer loves a failure to pile onto, and one more week of tanking officially puts that crown on 28.

Lions @ Cowboys - I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I actually like this year's Cowboys team (no offense, Bobby, but they've long been on my 'Burn and Crash and Die' list)...this year, there's something different. Probably that there's been little finger-pointing braggadocio -blaming problems on everything but the actual cause - and instead an actual effort to fix things with the duct tape and 3-in-1 oil sitting in the garage. That's respectable. This Dallas squad knows it isn't perfect by any means, but they sure are gritty, boy howdy. They're

even playing hurt! Meanwhile the Lions are the Lions we've known for years; lethal, big plays, tons of heart, finishing strong, never-giving---wait, who am I talking about?

The Fulcrum Point: Containing the home run hitter, Big Calvin. If Dallas, currently 12th against the pass, can lock down the CJ that earns his money, and maintain their staunch run D (yes, Dallas is currently #2 against the run. I hardly believe that either. I know. Weird.), then the only thing they really need to worry about is Nate Burleson. I can't believe I just typed that in 2011.

The Win Goes To: The Dallas 40 Grit Sandpapers

Steelers @ Texans - Game of the Week? No way brother, that designation goes to the Vikes/Chiefs slapfight below. Oh, you meant real Game of the Week. Well, then you're probably right on. This had better be the national game in my region, or I'm writing a tersely-worded letter to somebody.

The Fulcrum Point: Whoever makes fewer mistakes. Trite? Yes. Truth? Also, 'Yes'. This is a particularly even-looking match-up from my view. The Texans might have a slight edge in the running game; The Steelers might have a slight edge in D. Both passing games are 'HUGE PLAY' capable, both have lost tough ones this year, and both want this game, so very very badly....this one already has emotional ramification for the playoffs, don't kid yourself if you're on the losing end of the battle.

The Win Goes To: The Texans - and primarily because it's a home game. I think this goes this other way if it's in Pittsburgh, but it's not. So there you have that.

Saints @ Jaguars - The Saints still appear to still be jagged off about dropping that opener on the national teevee, because they've been playing angry since. For the Jaguars, Blaine Gabbert not only didn't leave the field crying last week, he actually got a win, so that's a plus!

The Fulcrum Point: Drew Brees might come down with malaria, which would be a truly fortunate development for Jacksonville. In absence of that sudden malady, this will be a horrifying week to be a Jaguars fan. Fortunately, there only seems to be about seven of you.

The Win Goes To: The Saints, who could potentially leave before the game ends if the opportunity arises that they can catch an earlier flight, or there's some good fishing conditions off the coast.

Vikings @ Chiefs - 36,728 passing yards, 232 touchdowns, 6 Pro Bowls, 5 NFC Championship games, and one trip to the Super Bowl: Those are Donovan McNabb's primary stats and highlights thus far in a thirteen-year career. So with strict application of modern-era Viking logic, they're gonna solve all their problems by fixing his mechanics. Good McLuck, McMorons. If Donnie Mac is indeed done, and it really looks like he may be, tinkering with the angle and release technique of a 34 year old Pro Bowler ain't doing jack.

On the other hand, there's nothing like a trip to Kansas City to boost up confidence.

The Fulcrum Point: As previous stated on many the occasion here, the 2011 Minnesota Vikings do not understand how to play two full halves of football; fortunately for them, the 2011 Kansas City Chiefs don't know how to play one.

The Win Goes To: The Vikes....GET THAT HORN READY FOR A-BLOWIN'!!!!!

49ers @ Eagles - So many stories here: David Akers returns home; Mike Vick is playing without his hand, spleen or face; Frank Gore is going to play hurt - wait, that last one just feels like a lie. Don't lie to me - it's embarrassing to us both. I SAID DON'T LIE TO ME!!!

The Fulcrum Point: LeSean McCoy is playing the running back position better than anyone else in the league right now - he's like what Eagles loyalists always imagined Brian Westbrook would be if he had ever been 'not injured'. In all the worry and fret about SuperTeamFailing, it feels like people are missing that critical point.

The Win Goes To: In the fantasy football workd, I would start Mike Vick playing blind and without a torso over Alex Smith playing with two extra eyeballs and a robot arm against a completely empty-set defense each and every week. So too here in the real world, do I pick the Eagles.

Redskins @ Rams - Washington is still over-performing; Rams are still under-performing. But more importantly, 'Old Grossman' seemed to start to punch his way out of his new candy-coated shell to get some air last week, and he seemed to like the freedom.

The Fulcrum Point: The return of a semi-normal workload for Steven Jackson. Don't know how many more times the truck can come back from a blown tire and Earl Campbell that team onto his back, but right now Bradford needs him there to settle things down.

The Win Goes To: Eh, let's go against the spread and say 'The Rams' - that's 'with Jackson', to be specific. To be forewarned, I'm probably making this pick due to my half-decade-long fantasy football grudge against Santana Moss, so I'm not particularly impartial here.

Broncos @ Packers - The Mighty Pack have hit the 3-0 mark with relative ease this year - admit it, even in the Panthers game, it still never felt like they were really going to lose. The Broncos still have fans asking their team to put a guy who has accomplished absolutely nothing in charge, because they're apparently better at talent evaluation than the career NFL guys running the show. Let's just go ahead and ignore that Orton has been without his #1 receiver (and a bunch more contributors at that particular position) and #1 running back for most of the season so far, that can't be factoring in at all, Orton just sucks, right? With that one draft pick, Josh McDaniels STILL continues to screw the Broncos - Fox should have cut bait with

the Tebow distraction when he had the chance.

The Fulcrum Point: The Beard versus SuperStache. Look, I love Orton, but seriously?

The Win Goes To: The Packers. This one's a gimme.

Giants @ Cardinals - I almost forgot to write this one up. That shows how little I care about this showdown. No offense to either fanbase, it's just...well, this game sounds kinda boring, you know? Like it's going to be 10-7 on the fifth turnover in the third quarter and you'll start fixing your sink just to have something to do.

The Fulcrum Point: I can't believe I'm going to say this: Eli Manning is the difference maker. He's smarter, understands his team intrinsically better, and knows what it takes to win. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to plunge my fingers into a bowl of ice water to put out the fire. Oh, the burning....

The Win Goes To: The New York Football Giants (Welcome back Osi! If you are back, that is)

Falcons @ Seahawks -Two mighty warbirds poised to dive-bomb and scratch away in a sky-battle that----oh, I can't continue that nonsense. Well, I was certainly wrong about the Seahawks not being able to put up a fight against the Cardinals last week, but I'm more prone to believe that was due to 'The Cardinals Not Being Very Good', than 'The Seahawks Figured Out Why They Are Bad'. The Falcons, on the other hand, seem to be in need of some intense therapy and some mood-stabilizing prescriptions.

The Fulcrum Point: Base raw talent. At the core, Matt Ryan is better than Tavaris. Roddy White and Julio Jones are better than Sidney Rice and Mike Williams. Michael Turner is better than Marshawn Lynch. Tony Gonzalez at the age of 73 is better than Zach Miller. Defense? Well, Seattle has that edge statistically, but we're only three weeks in and they've played against Alex Smith and Kevin Kolb (Granted, they've also gone against Big Ben, whilst the Falcons have muddled against Cutler, Josh Freeman and Vick - I still think it's a push).

The Win Goes To: The Falcons, but in a surprisingly close game. Or maybe not. I really can't seem to get any grip on Atlanta this year.

Patriots @ Raiders - Good lord, I'm glad I'm not on the Raiders this week.

The Fulcrum Point: The Bills beat the Patriots last week. Tom Brady is going to throw for six hundred yards as penance. The Raiders are going to finally really be missing Nnamdi. Likely on 4 to 9 endzone-related occassions.

The Win Goes To: The Pats. Redemptive vengeance is a brutal thing.

Jets @ Ravens - I told you last week that the Ravens had to completely dismantle the Rams in order to grab their mojo back. And so they did. The Jets, meanwhile, traveled to the West Coast to take an absolute pounding from the Raiders. And so the wheels on the Rex Ryan bus begin to wobble.

The Fulcrum Point: More of That, Baltimore. While I'm still unsure that Joe Flacco will ever achieve more than being regarded as 'above average' in his career, I am positive that Mark Sanchez will go down as 'overrated'. Both these squads have surrounded their game managers with a lot of talent, however, as one should build a balanced team - the wild card all-purpose guys are going to be the difference, and that means it's Ray Rice v. LT. I'll go with the fresher one, please. The Ravens need to come in hard and not let up, and if that means Terrell Suggs has to draw fifteen yards on the first series for pulling out a copy of that Sanchez GQ mag and force feeding it to Marky-Mark through his facemask, so be it. All's fair in love and when-you're-playing-the-Jets.

The Win Goes To: The Ravens

Dolphins @ Chargers - Everybody on down to the towel-cleaning service is trying to step in front of a microphone and rationally explain why the Dolphins are 0-3 so far this year. Allow me to save all the effort: you're not particularly good at professional football winning. Perhaps you could take some notes, sketches or screenshots amidst this Sunday's scrum of the Chargers, because they're pretty good at it.

The Fulcrum Point: If there's not a full-on mutiny during the game, the Dolphins may make this interesting. I've stated before that there's a lot of talent here, it's just being used nineteen manner of incorrectly. Maybe Sparano is just lulling the entire league into a false sense of security and he's going to unleash hell on us all starting this week....he's kinda super-villain looking, I wouldn't put it past him.

The Win Goes To: The Chargers. They're better. They're much better.

Colts @ Buccaneers - Another high-quality offering from ESPN's Monday Night Football. Pretty soon this show is going to move over to ESPN3, although moving it to 'The Deuce' is probably more accurate.

The Fulcrum Point: Don't care. Probably not even going to watch this for a minute. So let's just say 'Kellen Winslow', because he seems to have matured into a nice and reliable teammate over his time in Tampa, and personal growth should be rewarded.

The Win Goes To: Sleeping. Thanks ESPN! My productivity this week should skyrocket.

Now let's all get out there and eat a whole block of cheese in support of our teams!

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