Ocho Nexto?

by Matt Prendergast


With the unsurprising well-wishes in his future endeavors bestowed from the New England Patriots unto the Artist Formerly Known As Chad Johnson, many unanswered questions linger. Among the bigger ones:

1) Is this the end of the line for a one-time highlight reel regular?
2) And if so, with the fresh and ugly end of Terrell Owens' career combined with the last-ditch, may-not-have-a-roster-spot-in-the-end, probable-role-player-at-best final run of Randy Moss on the 9ers, does this release signal an end to the most flagrant 'Me Generation' of diva receivers the NFL has ever seen?

It was at this exact moment the Bengals decided to give
Bo Scaife one million dollars to sit on their IR for 2011

3) Did they really just cut that guy and sign Bo Scaife?
4) Does Bo Scaife honestly believe he's of the same caliber as Gronk and Hernandez and might sniff the field this year?
5) He does realize that Gronk alone scored 5 more touchdowns last season than Bo has had his entire 7 year career, right?
6) Bo Scaife?

Well, thankfully, of all the glory-engulfing wide receivers to grace the league the last decade or so (and I haven't forgotten you, Joe Horn, even though the rest of the planet did three minutes after you left N'awlins), 85 has always been pretty damn palatable. Aside from the 2008 Owensesque threatened hold-out which never came to be, by and large The Chad may have always loved the spotlight, but he generally seemed to want to share it with the fans. He's a fun dude, in a league where that's increasingly frowned upon, and I've always appreciated that about the guy.

And that, in turn, is why I think the Ocho Cinco Story still has a couple chapters left in it....but where and when? Well, let's take a look at six plausible scenarios, ranked in order of probability.

There's 5 kinds of money here

6) His own sitcom, called 'OCHO LOCO!' on Fox - And they'll say it translates to 'Crazy Eights!' even though it translates to 'Eight Crazy', because nobody at Fox cares about truth. This isn't even really a joke idea; lest you forget, this happened three years ago. You just know Eight-Five saw that thang and locked in his long-range scope. Let's break down the game tape: The Fox Network gave Mike Strahan his own show based pretty much exclusively on his touching performances in such productions as 'A Subway Commercial' and 'This Record-Breaking Sack of Brett Favre'. Doesn't sound so implausible anymore, does it? At the very least CJ ends up on The CW.

5) The San Diego Chargers - Currently, the Chargers are stacked deep at the ends with Malcolm Floyd, Robert Meachem and Eddie Royal, so all they need are two starters at wide receiver. Chad can certainly be one of them. Hell, they should go get Housh off the street as well: if you combine the dynamic duo's loss of speed and trouble with timing over the last couple years with the 2011 Limited Edition Phil Rivers with Erratic Throwing Arm, you've got a three-way marriage made in football heaven!

''So you're saying because I can
use consonants, I'm on at 5 am?
Your logic eludes me.'

4) The NFL Today/The NFL Network - this man was born to be part of a pregame show, and if that means Shannon Sharpe has to begin his deserved rocky tumble down to eventually join his brother Sterling on the NFLN's pre-pre-pre-game show, well then god bless you Cinco! But on the off chance that CBS won't budge The Mumbler out of his seemingly permanent spot there, well, maybe Warren Sapp's warm welcome back to the chair where he somehow impossibly came out looking like a bigger lunkhead than Jeremy Shockey will get nice and chilly quick. This also wouldn't be the worst thing ever, historically speaking.

3)The Washington Redskins - See# 5 above, but substitute 'Pierre Garcon, Josh Morgan and Santana Moss' for those other three guys. And then also please remember that Dan Snyder is still a mental patient who must have won a lottery or invented the Slap-Chop by accident or something, so this makes total sense on all sides of the deal. Except Shanny will probably use Ocho in the backfield, so stay away in your fantasy drafts.

Block. Buster.

2) 'Hard To Catch' with Steven Seagal - The Chad feels destined for Direct-to-DVD slow motion martial arts movies, and no better way to start that off than with an immediate alliance with the king of them all, The Fat Sherpa. Now granted, Ocho will need to come to terms with his character's obvious former gang ties/prison term backstory, but like a modern day 48 Hrs, his wise cracking tough guy with a heart of gold is sure to please the dozens who tune in the day it's released on Netflix Instant Watch.

1) The Miami Dolphins - So the Hard Knockers Aught-Twelve are rolling out the new year with either  David Garrard, or a Rookie-Level QB With-Occassional-Flashes-of-Adequacy, or Ryan Tannehill at the helm. Already promising. And to aid whichever one of those guys picks the ace of diamonds out of a hat before game one, they've provided the lethal receiving multi-combo of Anthony Fasano, Brian Hartline, Davone Bess and Legedu Nanee. Look, I love Bess as a number three, or even number two guy, and Hartline shows promise....but this team needs a proven set of hands that can also draw some needed attention from all the slapping and crying that's going to be going on in the quarterback meetings and in their individual cars after practice. Miami Dolphins, meet Ocho Cinco; Ocho Cinco, meet your Miami Dolphins. Let's do this!



Follow Matt @AmazingMattyP on Twitter. He currently has significantly less followers than Ocho Cinco, so your participation makes a difference. We're all winners!


Also be sure to follow the rest of the ReclinerQB crew, Bobby Shores - THE ReclinerQB, Sonny Prier J.R. Sheppard, Corey Doiron, Christie Mac, Marcus Wyche, and Josh.