Every division in the AFC has a total of 7 wins. Maybe The West isn't such a boredom encrusted turd-can after all. They're just as good as everyone else, see? Equality! Parity! Conformity! You hear that, Chiefs? You're beautiful just the way you are!
 |
| ... if you're a blind chick. |
Denver is consistently inconsistent
No one crushes inferior opponents like the Broncos. No one withers in the face of superiority like the Broncos. The wins over Pittsburgh and Oakland are about as surprising as their losses to Atlanta and Houston. Here's a team that's performing right on par with their collective abilities on a week to week basis. Yet mysteriously, amid this stability, Peyton Manning's arm strength seems to be fluctuating wildly between noodly and cyborg. Look for Manning's muscular tissue to deteriorate into strands of beef jerky after losing to New England this weekend.
 |
| Draws 23.5 "blow to the helmet" calls per game. FACT. |
Speaking of crushing inferior opponents...
San Diego is feasting on the dead
The three teams the Chargers have beaten average #27 on ESPN's power rankings. I don't mean to imply that they're bad, and I certainly don't mean to imply that they don't deserve to be leading the division.... but New Orleans is hosting them this weekend... and the 0-4 Saints are favored by 3 points over the 3-1 Chargers. Las Vegas does not screw around, and Las Vegas says that the San Diego Chargers are no better than the coachless, defenseless, winless New Orleans Saints. Good luck, guys.
TIMELY UPDATE! That line has just moved from 3 points to 4. Take a picture of this .750 winning percentage and lock it in a time capsule, Chargers. In 50 years you can crack it open and remember what hope was like.
 |
| Rivers Face 2062! |
Oakland is... honestly I haven't been paying attention
Can you blame me? They've won between four and eight games for eight of the last nine seasons, and they're on that road again now. The Raiders are doing what the Raiders do. Ho hum. This is the boring kind of bad. I had high (low) expectations for Palmer, but he's merely awful, not comically atrocious. I guess Heyward-Bey getting his brain scrambled is something... but you can't laugh at that now like you could in the past.
 |
| "Scamp" doing his Darrius Heyward-Bey impersonation. |
I'm bored.
Kansas City is contributing to this nation's high unemployment numbers
Sure, they're cashing checks, but that doesn't mean they're working! OH SNAP!
Matt Cassel threw three interceptions against San Diego last Sunday, but two of them hit KC receivers right in the hands. The failures of the team as a whole are unjustly piling up on poor Matt. All this does is trick casual observers into believing Cassel is the only problem on this all around horrendous team... but not Sam Mellinger of the Kansas City Star. He's finished with Cassel and everyone who supports him.
"Because this is beyond hope, beyond excuses, beyond any explanation that isn’t a fireable offense for everyone who can be fired. This is gross, and imagining it improving requires a stiff imagination or a stiffer drink."
Oh hells yeah! I love this guy. That is exactly the kind of hysteria I want surrounding my 1-3 teams! Are you taking notes, Oakland? And lest ye think Mr. Mellinger is a one hit wonder, check this bit stating that Romeo Crennell is a danger to Jamaal Charles' long-term health. (Great news for fantasy owners!)
He's right, of course. It's early, but if the next 12 games play out like the first 4 this team will need to be scattered to the corners of the earth so that it can never be assembled again. Like the Dream Team, only the EXACT OPPOSITE.
 |
| Happier times |
As for Crennel himself, there's a reason he's frequently on point for this kind of critique. Here he is throwing his own team under the bus:
Asked what he could do to help fix the problems, Crennel said, “Just keep harping on them and repeating to them their responsibilities, put them in positions in practice where they’re forced to do what they’re supposed to do and then in a game, hopefully they’ll be able to get it done.”
Don't look at me! I just coach here!
No comments:
Post a Comment