Frump. Three losses and a "does not apply" for The West last week. Only the Chargers put up a struggle Sunday, unless you count Carson Palmer trying to open his pizza rolls.
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| He went 17/40 with 3 fumbles that rolled under the couch |
We've got our first divisional power-showdown this week... Broncos at Chargers on Monday night! Five weeks in and these teams are still hard to peg. At last we'll get to see which side of mediocrity they fall on.
Denver's defense is indefensible
Woe unto this defense. The game was advertised as "Brady vs Manning" but played out as "Brady vs Shit, Who Was Supposed To Cover Welker?"...
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| ...again |
New England put up four drives of at least 12 plays. The middle third of this game was a continuous Patriots highlight reel, my favorite being Woodhead's 20 yard run on 3rd and 17.
Denver has 2 INTs and 2 fumble recoveries on the season, 25th and 21st in the league. A defense that can't force turnovers puts lots of pressure on the offense to keep pace, and they sure didn't against NE with those 3 lost fumbles. If the defense can't be productive, and the offense can't be perfect, then all the 300 yard days in the world won't get the Denver Mannings to a better record than the Denver Tebows.
San Diego is officially respectable
The Saints game was not the catastrophe my cold, black heart was longing for. The Chargers were one untimely roughing the passer call (and another iffy pass interference call) away from burying New Orleans. They played above average football against an opponent that was doing the same. As a reward they get a loss, but also a week of my reluctant, fickle respect.
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| You did... OK. I guess. |
On the unsarcastic upside... Ryan Matthews! He looked great, with all his hands and feet and whatnot moving in the proper directions! He led the team in carries and receptions! Unless Norv Turner, Jackie Battle should no longer be a threat to Ryan's production. This is great for Charger fan(s) and fantasy owners alike! Finally... some common ground for you animals.
Oakland has found inner peace and the true meaning of life
After last Sunday's embarrassing loss to Denver, Oakland head coach Dennis Allen reminded his players that football was just a game, and true winners and losers cannot be determined by some scoreboard. He instructed everyone to take the bye week off and reflect on what's truly important.
And so they departed...
Michael Huff taught himself sign language so he could describe the beauty of music to students at the California School for the Deaf.
Carson Palmer single-handedly designed and constructed a new wing onto an Oakland area women's homeless shelter.
Shane Lechler donated six units of mostly his own blood to victims of the 2010 Haiti earthquake.
Darrius Heyward-Bey started eating solid foods again.
Based on the resounding success of his team's bye week projects, Dennis Allen is expected to submit forfeits for the remainder of Oakland's 2012 schedule. "We can do so much to make so many people happy... except for on the football field".
As for Allen himself, "Awareness is fine and all, but it's meaningless if you don't take action. The rest of the league can wear their token October Pink, but I'll be performing a triple mastectomy on that alien hooker from Total Recall."
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| Mars: plenty of breathable air... no ozone layer |
Kansas City has enthusiastically charged through the bottom of the barrel
The Chiefs' shittiness at football is surpassed only by their fans' shittiness at humanity. Even the historically savage Philly crowd only cheers when opposing players get hurt. In case you missed it, yes, the home crowd cheered when Matt Cassel got knocked out in the 4th quarter on Sunday. Yes, the same home crowd that purchased a private plane to fly an anti-Cassel/Pioli banner over the stadium. Yes, the same home crowd that is apparently not familiar with Brady Quinn's body of work.
Dear Kansas City Chiefs fans... when you've got the Sarah Palin of backup quarterbacks, you don't cheer when the president is shot.
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| I can see my career 67.3 quarterback rating from my house! |
For the love of Pete! You're BEGGING to see a man that wasn't good enough for the Browns! Here's the list of Cleveland's starters since they got rid of Quinn for being below their standards: Colt McCoy, Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Brandon Weeden. If Matt Cassel is out next week, you turds will get what you deserve.
On a related note... Matt Cassel interception watch 2012: He threw 2 before getting knocked out. One was behind Bowe, who tipped it up for an easy pick. The second one was right in Bowe's hands, who tipped it up for an easy pick. If KC would sign more WRs and less volleyball players, Cassel's QB Rating would be thirty points higher.
The Chiefs are visiting Tampa Bay this week, so look forward to getting slaughtered by another sub-par team. I'll be sure to cheer when you go down.
Also: Larry Johnson was arrested for choking somebody. You're all terrible people.
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